Welcome to the Anything and Everything Jersey and Winchester abuse case blog.
Please scroll past these initial links to get to the main blog or the post you have come to read.
This is a statement from last summer:
Here is a link to the four great letters:
Here is a collection of Open Letters:
Here is my psychological report from last year:
This is my Daily Blog running from October 2011 until now:
These are other people's blogs on my case:
The blog itself is quite broken up, not written in an ordered fashion, a bit mixed up, like I am, talking about Jersey, the Diocese and my life.
Thank you for reading my blog, please persevere if it is at a bitty phase, go back and find what you are looking for in older posts, use the search button, or look at the favourite posts and links in the side bars.
The blog is heavy, I know, but the case is complex and the reality is that it has always been beyond me to get past the trauma and tell my story, so I am doing my best, in bits, to do so, as well as sharing related articles and links.
- I was abused in the Church of England as a vulnerable adult aged 19.
- I was abused by the husband of a vicar who was also my counsellor, this vicar took me home as a replacement for her stepdaughter who her husband, the girl's father, had abused and abandoned.
- I was further abused by another church officer.
- The church tried to close my complaints down, refused to deal with them and left both abusers and those who stood up for them in church positions.
- The church got me a criminal record for speaking up, they claimed I was harassing them.
- I had never been in police trouble before, but as a result, I lost my home and job, and was left on the streets, injured by the police and severely traumatized.
- Last year, years too late and the other side of me being destroyed, and while I was still homeless and destitute, the church launched on me in the National press, claiming to apologize.
- They also launched in the press, a 'report' into what had happened. This report was hideously inaccurate although it did show how members of church had abused process in not dealing with my complaint.
- The report, although not naming me, made it quite easy for me to be identified, I was one of very few autistic 33 year old women in the UK on the streets, and enough people who I met and was looked after by, knew who the report was about, and I lost friends and was shunned as a result.
- I also had strangers condemning and maligning me, it was heartbreaking.
- Then a church officer associated with my abuser, also in government, released my name and breached the data protection act.
- As a result of the Press reports and the report released, an all-out war broke out between the Diocese and Deanery involved, with me caught in the middle, I was slandered, I was smeared, I was condemned.
- The Church offered no help and I became ill as each new inaccurate report and cover up came out, each new damnation of me.
- New investigations were comissioned, and one was blatantly conflicted, to be carried out by a member of the group who supported the wrongdoers.
- I have been excluded from all reports, which, to save the church, are whitewashes which cover up the original admissions of wrongdoing.
- The church have treated me coldly, threatened me, despite them having me illegally traced by police, and have not helped me, instead they made illegal referrals of me to what they called help, without my consent and without checking it would help or what I wanted.
- I have pleaded with them to stop the harm to me, but to no avail, and I am living in fear, severely traumatized and knowing I cannot withstand the damning press reports and whitewashes forever.
Tuesday, 17 January 2017
And the only time I have ever agreed with Ashenden is now he wants the Archbishop to step down.
In both cases I am in agreement that these criminal figureheads should be removed, but not for the same reason as the protesters.
Let me reword that, I agree with the Jersey protesters, Ozouf is losing them a fortune and being protected by a chief minister whose misconducts are worse than anyone thinks.
Friday, 13 January 2017
Please read this and raise my concerns before another church of england abuse victim is destroyed.
Saturday, 7 January 2017
This was a short story I found in my files, based on what happened to me in Jersey. It was amazing that I could write it without collapsing but I was given a prompt and wrote it without thinking, It is called Kangeroo Court.
Monday, 2 January 2017
Sunday, 1 January 2017
Saturday, 31 December 2016
I remember how I was still alive and mischeevous when I used to do new year's revolutions such as converting the Church of England to Christianity, but now my back is broken, I am finished and dying branded and shamed, my only revolution is to finish writing my books before the church and their police finish killing me.
I feel I should still do an account of the year even if my heart isn't in it. And in a way I am worried that I am repeating what is already in the books 'Coming Home' and 'Homecoming'.
In January this year I was somehow surviving on almost no money at all due to unfairly losing my tax credits and my work was very low as well, the winter is a hard time for gardeners and for me it was my first year back in work and I had been living hand to mouth and unable to prepare for winter. So I was in absolute poverty in January.
I was doing my best with my second term at university but it was a sad hard time. Christmas Day 2015 was the last time I saw my friend alive and she died in January of this year.
I continued to fight to rebuild my life despite the sadness and poverty, as I had no idea that the Church of England would destroy me and make it all worthless a few months later.
There was that disastrous day in January when I woke up to a leak in the roof and water dripping onto my laptop, and then Florence broke down in the pouring rain and floods in the middle of nowhere as I delivered the papers round the villages. Thankfully I managed to bump start her and get her home, but she needed a new starter motor.
I was coming to the end of my work delivering papers on the rural routes now anyway as it had been too much stress for me and Florence, and we swapped for a smaller, local round.
The wet weather and local flooding continued.
I joined a running course and was running well but it was badly arranged and hard to keep up with. When my friend died, I remember running and crying, and I renamed the blog 'The Journey Home' for some reason. Partly because Jane Fisher seemed to have vanished and I felt almost as if I had a right to live again despite losing my best friend.
I didn't get on with all my friend's family and I chose not to attend the funeral, I couldn't cope with them and I was too weak myself.
I was doing my best, despite my terror, to endure hospital appointments about my jaw as I now had a good dentist and he had been concerned about my jaw, the hospital backed up this concern and wanted to splint my jaw and do biopsies and things, but I was so tired, so ill and so I bottled out of hospital treatment. Quite apart from anything, I couldn't afford to get to the hospital and pay for parking or bus fares, I had no money and no-one was helping me.
I was attending gym regularly and getting on with a lot of exercise, and I was working a very quiet delivery driving shift and getting a lot of study done while I sat and waited for deliveries.
In February I started some more work to tide me over, leaflet distribution. Hard and unrewarding work but at least it kept me fit and started to bring money in.
I was treated dreadfully bu the first company I did leaflets for but I was spotted by someone who got me to take on a leaflet job for them as well, they paid me properly and I applied to get my tax credits back, and eventually I ended up doing delivery driving for them when I was treated too badly by the other place. These jobs aren't nice or permanent but what mattered was that I was earning a living.
The weather turned from wet to icy and I continued to try to lower my blood pressure after the crisis with Bob Hill's collapse had sent me into blood pressure crisis.
I decided to go ahead with my sponsored 70 mile walk even though I felt awful, depressed and ill, and I knew it would be hard doing the walk without my friend or any support.
I was walking to raise money for a charity that my youth group used to support when I was younger, because that charity came up in my university studies as a case study. I planned the walk for Easter.
I went out with my social group, a rare thing now because the damage by the church had been such that I just didn't want to go out any more. I was sad that the social group were reluctant to support my walk.
It was a leap year but I didn't propose to anyone, so my poor old neighbour downstairs remained unmarried until he died, despite the fact that he called me beautiful every time he saw me.
March appears to be quite nondescript. On March 8th I fell and my house keys went flying and I did a little
I had a dream in March, it seems to have almost been a prophecy, about the police. As you know, the police turned up in September this year and I hit the roof.
This is from the dream I had in March
And the police turned up.
The police actually took things seriously and wanted to question me on what I had seen, imagine if that happened in real life!
Anyway. In the dream I was furious with the police because they have treated me so badly in real life.
So I raged at them for what they have done to me, and they stood there looking surprised.
Poor dream-officers, it wasn't all their fault!
Anyway, I woke up thinking 'What on earth!' Because that was way too vivid and cohesive.
March was nondescript, and I was short of money, and at one point I accidentally let Florence's battery go flat.
The Channel Islands were having ferry problems so I wrote them yet another poem.
The plight of the condor:
new boat detained
Goodwill under water
Clipper in for repair
and Islanders in Despair
I started the sponsored walk on Good Friday, trying to get ahead of the forthcoming bad weather. I didn't feel like walking or celebrating Easter, but the first day or two of the walk was good weather so I survived, I took time off from all my work except delivery driving as I was the only driver. But later in the week the weather turned very bad with wind and rain and it was hard to complete the last Great Walk.
The sponsored walk put me in the mood for a spring clean and clearout of the rubbish I owned, and that is how March ended.
My friend was taking me to Opera and ballet, and I liked ballet but not opera at first.
Justin Welby decided that he would announce to the world that he spat on Jesus, by using the press and media for a stunt about his various fathers. Amazinly the world let him do this and limelight seeking leaders in other churches 'supported' him.
I made a complaint to the papers and ofcom and ipso that as Welby's corporation were under investigation for systemic child rape, they should not be advertising themselves but should have the decency to be quiet while under investigation, even for the sake of their victims.
The fact that I was delivering newspapers and had to deliver Welby's narcissistic stunt to so many houses left me off work ill. And of course Welby doesn't care if one of his victims starve, as long as people are mistakenly worshipping him.
I started to try to arrange a support worker for myself but it was impossible in my poverty and the unstable situation that the church were keeping me in.
Towards the end of April I was starting to revise for a music exam and end of term assessments for university, and my landlady got me to clean a filthy flat with a dying resident in it, cleaning that flat made me ill and I was under stress over revision as well, so it wasn't an easy time.
Hillsbourough Campaigners started to win a much-deserved victory in April, and Junior Doctors started striking.
I wrote a blog post about Bob Hill, and I felt better for it, because I felt to blame for his collapse even though he had hurt me a lot in his efforts to 'solve' my case.
My landlady went through a weird phase of offering me a downstairs flat and withdrawing the offer repeatedly, leaving me confused and upset, she appeared to be having major problems in her own life and was acting bizarrely.
This was the month of my exams and also the month that the church destroyed me. It is hard to write about.
I am not sure I want to go through it all again. I have been destroyed and waiting to die ever since.
The music exam was at the beginning of the month, and there was already a problem with the landlady hanging around the house and being weird and I was under stress. Then the day before the exam I witnessed an accident outside the house, a collision between a van and a motorbike, which left me shocked.
I still got the exam and passed it.
But then I was ill with stress, tired and in pain from the injuries seizing up with stress.
Immediately the Church of England launched upon me as I tried to pull myself together and do my end of term assessments.
It might be easier for my health if rather than go into details of the evil committed against me by the Bishop of Winchester and Archbishop of Canterbury, aided by the National Safeguarding Team, I post this, which sums up why there was a million pound cover-up that condemned me and my life and upheld criminal wrongdoers
And so I was destroyed to cover up for evil. And there is no safeguarding in the Church of England.
The church had spent a million pounds covering up for their evil and doing so at the expense of my life and health, and they wanted to bring it to a close, at my expense, in the press and media, discrediting me and upholding the wrongoders.
The damage is done and it would have been better if I had died in May. They continue to refuse to redact their discrediting and bring an independent investigation into my case, well if they did allow an investigation a number of people would have to resign or be arrested.
I managed to scrape through my university exams despite there being no point in life any more.
And it was all only getting worse.
I was being plagued by an idiot called Jane Dodds who wanted the Church cover-up neatly swept away and me co-erced into saying that being utterly destroyed was fine. She was caseworker for the national safeguarding team of the church on a voluntary basis before she suddenly vanished after adding to the harm to me.
But it was all worse, the situation where I lived had already been precarious before the church destroyed me, and I felt that I had no choice but to give notice, and I did.
My work was falling apart as well, and Florence, the car, was due her MOT and I was sure I couldn't get her through the MOT.
I was going to lose Florence and my home and the rest of my life was already destroyed by the church, it felt as if all my work in rebuilding my life had been for nothing.
Bob Hill came out of hospital after many months but he couldn't speak, he wasn't quite the same Bob.
And then my tax credits were restored, so Florence went back to her old owners to be overhauled and sold on, I took Max, her younger brother, off their hands for a bit more than I paid for Florence.
I wrote this: http://lifeafterthediocese.blogspot.co.uk/2016/06/archbishop-abuse-case.html
Jersey's failed and disgraced safeguarding partnership started harassing me in earnest over their whitewash report into my case and trying to force me to agree to it's publication, just as I prepared to move house and just after the move.
The house move and buying Max left me short of money and I nearly became dangerously ill with low blood sugar when food ran out.
I moved to the new house at the end of June. I was utterly exhausted, destroyed by the church and not sure what to do, I knew that the new place wasn't going to be a permentant home, it was right by a pub and with no parking and was mainly benefits tenants and a lot more run down than the old place. But what could I do? Everything I had built up was smashed down.
I started looking for more work despite the state I was in, I couldn't afford to sit around, but I was too unsure of most of the work that was on offer, but a gardening team who I had been in contact with in the past offered me sub-contract work and I took them up on it and have been working with them part time ever since as well as doing my own gardening rounds.
Max started having catalyst problems, and as I write this, we intend to change his catalyst in the new year. But it was worrying to start with as I didn't know what was wrong.
I started writing and preparing Manuscripts, and in July I started writing 'Coming Home' which kept me sane and occupied after my whole world had collapsed and been swept away, and I managed to keep going as a result, even with increasingly vile attacks by Jersey safeguarding partnership, culminating in their famous troll attack instigated by Ian Gorst.
On the same day as Battle of Flowers in Jersey, I marshaled for the local carnival. I hadn't marshaled since I used to marshal for Battle when I was in Jersey. If I wasn't in such a broken state then I would have said that this was a positive sign but after the horrific unhealable wounds inflicted by the church and Jersey Safeguarding Partnership, I wasn't recovering, I just happened to marshal, and it wasn't brilliant really, I just got posted outside a local church who I had been helping and they treated me like royalty, apart from that I didn't enjoy marshaling and wasn't fit to be there. I pretended it was great and wonderful but I felt like death.
On August 22nd I published my first three books, 'Goodnight Anna', 'Coming Home' and 'The Silent World'. And the books haven't stopped. I think including some in private circulation, there are about 18, and some of those are duplicated into other forms as well, such as e-books.
I re-started my music lessons which had been ruined by the church and poverty and I was revising for a grade 5 exam.
I had no idea what was about to happen.
Before the world shattered, I was preparing a new book, and I was starting to do short story competitions as well as preparing for university and revising for my grade 5 exam.
On September 3rd, in a grotesque parody of my old life, I stewarded at a local horticultural show, but to me it was just going through the motions, what I had before is gone forever, my community, my friends, my shows, the church destroyed it all, and I felt more sad and useless than anything else, but the people wanted me to start showing again for next year and they were trying to arrange me some land, which would have gone ahead if the police attack hadn't happened.
You may remember I posted this:
“I sit alone in a dead world. The wind blows hot and dry, and the dust gathers like particles of memory waiting to be swept away. I pray for forgetfulness, yet my memory remains strong, as does the outstretched arm of the oppressive air. It seems as if the wind has been there since the beginning of the nightmare. Sometimes loud and harsh, a thousand sharp needles scratching at my reddened skin. Sometimes a whisper, a curious sigh in the black of night, of words more frightening than pain. I know now the wind has been speaking to me. Only I couldn't understand because I was too scared. I am scared now as I write these words. Still, there is nothing else to do.”
Friday, 30 December 2016
Offensive to Muslims.
However. If you want to know more about the offensive unchristian clergyman who worships his own ego, there is a guy in Jersey who writes about him and his offensive behaviour.
You have to wonder what Bishop Willmott thinks safeguarding means when Ashenden attacks any vulnerable group and Willmott spouts to the unquestioning press and media about safeguarding being good?
Especially as Ashenden tends to view my blog when he has been looking at porn sites, his feed always comes up as transferring from porn to my blog. Weird or what?
I remember one of the former students at Sussex telling me why Ashenden went insane, his wife was very ill and he tried to look after her, she got better and left him.
He has been nuts ever since, apparently, and he is the church of england's advert as they uphold his persistent narrow-minded and prejudiced rants.
As yet the church of england, especially the joke of a national safeguarding team, are doing nothing about him and have condoned his attacks on me and on muslims, other races and nations, disabled people, homosexual people and any minority group he feels able to attack to meet his own needs.
Anyone who thinks the man's behaviour is Christian has never read or understood the New Testament or Jesus' teachings.
Wednesday, 21 December 2016
I am doing the Christmas Prayers a few days early due to the rather uncertain and transient situation I am in.
It isn't easy for me to pray any more, due to being destroyed by the Godless Church of England, so why don't I pray for them to start with. The Bible says pray for your enemies, and those people who have destroyed me make a show of praying for me, condescendingly and convince themselves of their innocence and good motive by doing so.
- I pray for them, that the scales will fall from their eyes. I pray in Jesus Name that all those involved in harming me, especially Justin Welby, Tim Dakin and Trevor Willmott and their associated staff and clergy are divinely guided in 2017 by their God to 'resign' as the Dean did. And I pray that they are blessed, no matter how evil and corrupt and psychopathic they have been. Because that is what Jesus wants, for us to bless our enemies and destroyers, and that is a theme throughout the Bible, it does not remove what they have done, I just pray a blessing on them, because I am perverse. Amen
- I pray for anyone feeling as awful as I am or having survived or not so much survived complex and prolonged harm. No-one should ever have to feel like this. I pray for a better life for anyone who has been destroyed, especially those destroyed by powerful abusers who are above accountability. Amen
- I pray for anyone who is dreading this Christmas due to loneliness, hardship, abuse of any kind, illness, bereavement, separation or any loss or tragedy. In Jesus Name, amen.
- I pray especially for the homeless, my street brothers and sisters, those who will be reached by outreach this Christmas and those who won't. I pray that some of them will feel valued enough to start their journeys home. I pray that all will be able to survive the winter. Thank you Lord that one of our homeless couples have been housed. Amen
- Thank you Lord for those who look after the homeless. Especially the two charities that I am in contact with. Bless them Lord. Amen
- I pray about the toy appeals and their work, that no child gets missed out. I pray for all those children who have very little to look forward to this Christmas, I remember my own homeless childhood. Lord bless the children this Christmas, You and I know what it is like to be homeless and have nothing at Christmas and no child deserves nothing for Christmas or at any time. Bless them Lord, amen.
- Lord look after the elderly, those who are cold or alone and feel left out or isolated this Christmas, send warmth and light and love. Amen
- Lord, it is hard to ask because the Jersey Deanery are over to Satan and a lost cause, but please change that, if you can, turf the evilangelicals out or close the defunct churches down to prevent injury to any more children or vulnerable adults. Amen
- Lord bless my friends and the people in my life, especially those who have blessed me by reading my books and giving helpful feedback. Amen
- Lord I pray for vulnerable people who are scared by the news and the EU exit and other issues such as terrorism. Amen
- I pray that the Church of England stop being able to use news and current affairs to glorify themselves as it upsets their victims and the general public. Amen
- I pray for justice and resolution and peace for abuse victims, especially those suffering barriers to justice and miscarriages of justice and being treated badly for speaking up, and I pray for all the victims and survivors who have spoke up recently, as the old wounds will be re-opened. Amen
- I pray for everyone going out celebrating this Christmas, those who celebrate with alcohol and parties and those who celebrate by going to midnight Mass, may there be no collisions between them. May everyone return home safely. Amen
- I pray that 2017 will be a better year for me and for us all. I pray that 2017 will be the year that the Church of England repent and take responsibility for their evil or that they will be held accountable by another authority. In Jesus Name I beg and pray this, amen.