Welcome to the Anything and Everything Jersey and Winchester abuse case blog.

Please scroll past these initial links to get to the main blog or the post you have come to read.

This is a statement from last summer:

Here is a link to the four great letters:

Here is a collection of Open Letters:

Here is my psychological report from last year:

This is my Daily Blog running from October 2011 until now:

These are other people's blogs on my case:



The blog itself is quite broken up, not written in an ordered fashion, a bit mixed up, like I am, talking about Jersey, the Diocese and my life.

Thank you for reading my blog, please persevere if it is at a bitty phase, go back and find what you are looking for in older posts, use the search button, or look at the favourite posts and links in the side bars.

The blog is heavy, I know, but the case is complex and the reality is that it has always been beyond me to get past the trauma and tell my story, so I am doing my best, in bits, to do so, as well as sharing related articles and links.


  • I was abused in the Church of England as a vulnerable adult aged 19.
  • I was abused by the husband of a vicar who was also my counsellor, this vicar took me home as a replacement for her stepdaughter who her husband, the girl's father, had abused and abandoned.
  • I was further abused by another church officer.
  • The church tried to close my complaints down, refused to deal with them and left both abusers and those who stood up for them in church positions.
  • The church got me a criminal record for speaking up, they claimed I was harassing them.
  • I had never been in police trouble before, but as a result, I lost my home and job, and was left on the streets, injured by the police and severely traumatized.

  • Last year, years too late and the other side of me being destroyed, and while I was still homeless and destitute, the church launched on me in the National press, claiming to apologize.
  • They also launched in the press, a 'report' into what had happened. This report was hideously inaccurate although it did show how members of church had abused process in not dealing with my complaint.
  • The report, although not naming me, made it quite easy for me to be identified, I was one of very few autistic 33 year old women in the UK on the streets, and enough people who I met and was looked after by, knew who the report was about, and I lost friends and was shunned as a result.
  • I also had strangers condemning and maligning me, it was heartbreaking.
  • Then a church officer associated with my abuser, also in government, released my name and breached the data protection act.

  • As a result of the Press reports and the report released, an all-out war broke out between the Diocese and Deanery involved, with me caught in the middle, I was slandered, I was smeared, I was condemned.
  • The Church offered no help and I became ill as each new inaccurate report and cover up came out, each new damnation of me.
  • New investigations were comissioned, and one was blatantly conflicted, to be carried out by a member of the group who supported the wrongdoers.
  • I have been excluded from all reports, which, to save the church, are whitewashes which cover up the original admissions of wrongdoing.
  • The church have treated me coldly, threatened me, despite them having me illegally traced by police, and have not helped me, instead they made illegal referrals of me to what they called help, without my consent and without checking it would help or what I wanted.
  • I have pleaded with them to stop the harm to me, but to no avail, and I am living in fear, severely traumatized and knowing I cannot withstand the damning press reports and whitewashes forever.

Tuesday, 17 January 2017

Jersey Protest

I am supporting the protest in Jersey today. Because I want Gorst to resign or be removed.

And the only time I have ever agreed with Ashenden is now he wants the Archbishop to step down.

In both cases I am in agreement that these criminal figureheads should be removed, but not for the same reason as the protesters.

Let me reword that, I agree with the Jersey protesters, Ozouf is losing them a fortune and being protected by a chief minister whose misconducts are worse than anyone thinks.

Friday, 13 January 2017

A letter to the Archbishop and Bishops regarding abuse and cover up.

cc National 'Safeguarding' Team and IICSA


Dear Bishops Willmott and Dakin and Archbishop Welby,

I enclose the reminder of the formal complaint sent to Bishop Willmott last year, unfortunately he decided to try and fob me off through his secretary, adding to his image of dishonesty, deceit and cowardice.

Please make sure that both my formal complaint against the behaviour of yourselves and the Godless, evil and criminal Jersey Deanery are now either addressed or passed to a competent safeguarding body, as it is clear from the pronouncements without evidence of the Archbishop and Bishop about safeguarding in Jersey being good, while I was being destroyed, that neither the Archbishop nor Bishop have the faintest clue what safeguarding is.

That is reinforced by the fact that the Archbishop and Bishops themselves have led a public attack on my character through a million pounds worth of criminal and illegal whitewashes slurring me and covering up for wrongdoers. If you consider safeguarding to be good when you have been effectively forcing me to my death and branding me publicly for the abusers who you have openly aided and upheld in harming me. Then at very least you don't know what safeguarding is.

You met with and condoned the powerful criminals from Jersey and spoke with them on the phone and allowed them to condemn me in the press and media, you provided legal and PR help for yourselves, and you never met with me, spoken to me (apart from the Bishop of Winchester threatening me) or provided me with legal or PR help as you destroyed me publicly while I was voiceless. 

So how is safeguarding good in the Church of England? Are you going to answer? Are you going to answer the person who you have scourged and crucified publicly?

You spent a million pounds glorifying yourselves at my expense and upholding each and every wrongdoer and abuser and branding me publicly for life, flinging your and their version of my personal life all over the press and all over the world. You made it clear you condone abuse and will always protect abusers and wrongdoers. Do you really believe this is safeguarding?

Now, where is the million pounds for an investigation into what happened to ME? And also into the illegally accessed records of the whitewash.

If you continue to refuse to take responsibility for your actions and the severe, life-limiting and permanent harm to me, then each one of you must step down.

Even if you genuinely believed the Dean to be innocent of wrongdoing, you had no right to turn the matter into a discrediting press stunt at my expense, having never met me or heard my side and having only listened to the money and power of the powerful circle of lawyers and dignitaries surrounding the Dean. Including those who illegally accessed and tampered with already inaccurate police and other records.

What you should have been doing rather than destroying me for the sake of the Church's image, was holding these men, including the Dean, to account for their Godless and criminal behaviour instead of adding and to it and including your own Godless and criminal behaviour.

The Dean of Jersey, without remorse or any sort of reprimand for his serious criminal and dangerous actions, especially in conjunction with his circle over the past four years, is to go on to positions where he will remain a danger to the vulnerable, and you have lauded and upheld him, so tell me how safeguarding in the Church of England is good?

You nearly ended my destroyed and shattered life with your public attack on me and upholding of wrongdoers and I remain in utter anguish and waiting for death. Obviously from your onslaught without mercy, you have made it clear that you want me dead, and indeed it would be best, because I couldn't recover from the previous harm to me, the last four years is something that no human being could come back from, no human being, be they whole or crippled. No-one could survive what you have done to me. You have utterly condemned me.

So, why have you received my requests for you to pay for my attendance at Dignitas to be humanely put to sleep, and not answered them?

 You had a million pounds to pay for glorifying yourselves at my expense and publicly destroying me, you had that money to pay for cover-up of your wicked and criminal actions against me, and you are reluctant to pay a few thousand for me to fly to Switzerland to be killed, after your sustained efforts left me shattered beyond healing but still unable to die? 

Please explain this. No-one can deny that your efforts at publicly vilifying me and spewing your version of my life into your complicit press could be anything other than a constructive murder, and in fairness I should now have been dead for three years, but sadly for you I am not, and I have offered you a solution for your failed murder, because I am never going to heal.

 A mutual solution would be dignitas, and it would be better than having to endure another Christmas ruined by Justin Welby, the man who destroyed me, trotting out another load of vain and empty lies written for him at Christmas, waffling the vain empty cliches about the poor and homeless while his victim, in poverty and anguish and having endured three years sleeping rough because of his church, goes on suffering.

Jesus Wept. Justin the Narcissist must be silent eventually, surely?

The things that strangers said about me and the lies that your criminal clergy and laity have broadcast in the press and media, leading to hate attacks and threats against me while I was voiceless and jeered at when I even tried to answer this hatred, will never heal and can never be justified by you as anything but your wish for my death in shame and brokenness, as has nearly occured and will eventually occur.

Please make sure that there is an independent investigation into all of what has happened to me, make sure it includes me and my voice, from my books if I am dead by the time it occurs, I have written my books to ensure that I am heard in death if not in life.

Make sure that your collective actions of the past four years is stringently and completely investigated.

This includes investigation into the Steel report being continued when she was chosen by and acting for, the Jersey Deanery, why she was not withdrawn when requested, with evidence of her confliction, why the Korris report was published and labelled independent when it wasn't and why Korris broke the law and why her report was not withdrawn until I took the Bishop to court. 

Also why the Bishop kept on and on discrediting me over the Steel report, claiming to withold it for my welfare when he had not sent me a copy, but was basically telling the general public that the report was genuine and I was in the wrong. 

Claiming to care about my welfare as he and the Archbishop nearly caused my suicide and he told the general public he was feeding the conflicted lies of Steel into the conflicted Gladwin report was an act of evil. My consent for that has not been granted. I have not agreed.

The Bishop failed to tell the general public that I was forced to take him to court to save my life, he failed to tell the general public that he was supposed to make sure I agreed with the content of the Steel report before it was released. He failed to ever send me a copy of the Steel report.

None of this matter has been about safeguarding, or protecting the vulnerable, or anything meriting a million pound waste of trusting congregants' money. The outcome for me has repeatedly been near death, it has been permanent and very severe harm to my health and a lifetime of being branded that makes me long for death. There is no recovery from the kind of hatred from strangers, threats and lies that have been broadcast, none at all.

And to make it worse, the whitewash by Jersey Safeguarding partnership, cooked up by the intermeshed States, police and Deanery and used by the church to harm me further, And then the use of the 'National Safeguarding Team' to try to sweep up the pieces and cover it up, rubbing my raw wounds with sandpaper while refusing to do anything about any of your collective criminal and dangerous harm to me.

They are still refusing to act, because apparently you have 'advised' them not to, and they are employed by the Archbishop and his council, presumably to cover up while duping vulnerable victims by whining about caring about them and learning from them, as Jane Dodds did with me. I was already in enough anguish and suffering in a way that will never now relent, I didn't need that insult to injury that was the National Safeguarding Team.

 And I am continuing and will continue, to ask them to act upon your serious and criminal safeguarding failures that should have led to you collectively being removed, and one day someone will see my emails and letters to them and ask them why they didn't act.

That is evil, it is wickedness, and it beggars belief that instead of resigning, You remain, still a risk to the vulnerable and after committing such evil.
Either the Church has no clue what safeguarding means or you men should resign. As long as you stay, after taking part in such evil and refuse to take responsibility for yourselves, you know that your church isn't safeguarding anyone and isn't anything to do with God.

You completely lack integrity and you compound that by making false claims and misleading the general public while upholding dangerous men in your church and leaving me destroyed.

I have a formal complaint. It starts with abuse when I was 19 and runs to the present day, it comprises of lack of safeguarding, sexual, physical and emotional abuse, slander, illegal actions, abuse of power over the press, false claims about safeguarding, very serious harm to me, me being exposed to hatred and slander, police brutality and intrusions, homelessness and imprisonment because of your safeguarding failures, it is exhaustive, it contains a list of people's names already sent to you. I have had no adequate response. I am waiting, I am suffering.

The longer you leave it, the worse your failure in safeguarding becomes.
I will be producing and publishing a report about the National Safeguarding Team's part of this, which will be sent to the CSA inquiry no matter whether you can or cannot bribe them. But you do need to call an overarching investigation into my case, and every day that you ignore that, you harm me. While you don't safeguard, the risk of abuse is high.

The Archbishop's lack of understanding of safeguarding led to him claiming that safeguarding in Jersey is good, he appears to mistake a prolonged and power-abusive smear and discrediting campaign using the press and media against a vulnerable adult by his clergy as 'Good safeguarding'.

 Obviously his lack of understanding of safeguarding is so serious that it is a risk to vulnerable lives, he certainly nearly caused my death and until and unless that is dealt with properly, then there is a serious safeguarding breach, worse even, a complicit act of cover-up carried out by Bishop Willmott and Archbishop Welby.
And again, if most vulnerable adults are more voiceless than me, how many are being killed this way, and with the blessing of the National Safeguarding Team, who yatter lies and rubbish at the victims to try and placate them as the victims commit suicide.

If the National Safeguarding Team, who are well aware of the wrong in this matter and have said as much to me before being gagged when it was realised that I couldn't be duped and silenced, do not arrange for the resignations of the the Bishops and Archbishop over their serious harm to me, then a court or inquiry must do so, and the National Safeguarding Team should also resign.

 They are following up their failure by allowing the Dean to 'resign' lauded and honoured, again at my expense while I endure a re-awakening of the threats and attacks on me over this, some people are fooled by this resignation and the Archbishop and Bath and Wells employing that criminal, but not all.

The Archbishop claims that the Dean is a 'Godly Man', really? Has the Archbishop ever read a Bible? Didn't I send him one the other year as he continued to uphold the harm to me relentlessly? Does deceit and lies and hiding behind people of power and lawyers constitute Godly? Oh yes,  because the Archbishop does it too.

Does destroying someone the way the Dean has destroyed me count as Godly? Maybe someone switched the Archbishop's Bible for a Satanism Manual. Because what the Archbishop himself has done is evil.

There is no God or Christianity or integrity or good or safeguarding in what the Archbishop and Bishops and Archbishop's Council have done in destroying, threatening and publicly ruining me. I was already destroyed before the public attack on me was launched and I have suffered without relief while a million pounds was spent on the church's image, lawyers, PR firms, press releases and four whitewashes that are nothing to do with what happened to me.

It is time for you Godless and terrible cowards to step down. Do a lie like the Dean's 'Resignation', do it any way you want, but before you go, make sure that there is an overarching inquiry and also that Peter Ould and Gavin Ashenden who continue to attack the vulnerable unafraid, because in the Archbishop's eyes that is good safeguarding and Godly behaviour, are removed, along with Elaine Rose and all staff and clergy who have harmed me.

The Church currently don't safeguard, because they mistake safeguarding for image and segregation to protect the church. How can the comfortable middle class know what safeguarding means when they don't understand vulnerability or suffering, to the extent that they have an apartheid against the vulnerable to protect themselves?

All the high profile employment of 'people from social care backgrounds' does not remove the apartheid or the fact that these new employees are not allowed to actually safeguard because the church must be protected first.

The horrifying behaviour of Dodds, Tilby and Murray in my case, thinking they could mislead me after allowing the Bishop and Archbishop to destroy me publicly and then gag it all, is all the proof you need of that.

Make sure that I receive my copy of the Steel report as requested, you have no excuse whatsoever to withold it, and make sure any agency asking for a copy if they are concerned for my welfare, are given a copy of it, and also do not lie to any agency about being in contact with me, trying to include me in reports or trying to help me.

Please send a copy of the Steel report to the IICSA and explain to them that this is how you classify an independent safeguarding report, a report carried out by a member of the conflicted inner circle of Jersey's States, Judiciary, lawyers and Town Church who protected the Dean and destroyed me.

Let me just remind you of the blog that Bob Hill created just before he collapsed while defending me from hate attacks instigated by your Steel whitewash and the conflicted circle's need to have it published and snuff out my life with their hatred in the form of a report. Your million pound safeguarding failure and cover up cost this man his life.

Your pretences of care for my welfare while you destroyed me were the same as a rapist telling his victim he loved them as he raped them. Despicable and inexcusable,  you can't cold-bloodedly destroy someone and pretend to care about them for the sake of PR, it is despicable.

And do you really think you can excuse yourselves based on what you have heard about me? It beggars belief.  You've never met me. You must resign.


HG/JJ -  Church of England safeguarding failure victim.

Lord Carlisle, peadophile protector appointed by the CofE

Please read this and raise my concerns before another church of england abuse victim is destroyed.

Saturday, 7 January 2017

I wish it were true

I wish this were true for me, unfortunately the reason I am writing and publishing is because I am unlikely to survive.

Random Short Story

This was a short story I found in my files, based on what happened to me in Jersey. It was amazing that I could write it without collapsing but I was given a prompt and wrote it without thinking, It is called Kangeroo Court.

Every day she huddled in the corner of the cell, shivering, sick of most of what she had eaten.
Every day she struggled, bewildered because no-one told her the rules. Prison isn't the place for someone with autism. She knew nothing about prison.
They tried to make her read what her abusers had written. But she was too sick and traumatized. What they said didn't matter, she was voiceless and they had taken her home, her job, her liberty, why try to make her read their lies? She had no defence.
Every day she huddled in the blanket, trying to keep her thoughts elsewhere. She suffered claustraphobia, and being imprisoned was terrifying.
She was a quiet, shy and mild person, and prison with it's noise and confusion terrified her. She had never dreamed of doing anything wrong, until she stood up to the powerful circle of men that her abuser belonged with.
No-one at the prison explained anything, they didn't tell her what lockdown was and when it occured, they didn't bring her any food and her blood sugar dropped too low, but there was no-one to ask for help.
She got ill and faint and her headache raged, but she had no voice, no-one to turn to.
She couldn't come to terms with prison. She couldn't cope with being put with people who had deliberately been bad.
She didn't understand prison, it wasn't her home and her work and home and her daily routines were gone, replaced by harsh lights and noise and being marched around. Her friends had all gone, and they would never come back.
The prison staff muttered about how they had no scope for an autistic prisoner and that this matter was a crying shame.
She was sick all the time and they asked her if she was deliberately being sick. They never took any notice of the fact that she had no bra and they kept telling her she was to join the prison gym sessions.
She had been removed from her home in pyjamas, and her pyjamas were a tracksuit, so everyone thought she was fully dressed, thought she was the kind of person who would wear a tracksuit during the day. She wouldn't have dreamed of doing that.
At night her nightmares flung her screaming in terror over the cell, the nightmares would be there until the end of her days - being beaten by the police, being jeered at as mad and brutalized.
And then the nightmares about being abused and fighting for justice while the abusers remained esteemed and supported and she was shunned in the community and treated as mad.
Her whole life was gone, and because she had been abused.
She had been in the remand wing for two weeks when they came and told her to choose the meals she wanted after she had been sentenced, and she collapsed in tears.
Then she was bundled into a van and pretty much flung into court.
She sat there listening, with her thumb in her her mouth, rocking backwards and forwards while the press took notes.
She didn't get to speak, she had no voice and no representative, her abuser's circle was made up of lawyers and judiciary, including the judge in front of her and the lawyers in court. She had no voice.
And while the press made their song and dance, and the abusers rejoiced in it and showed it to their friends who knew about the allegations, she was convicted and led away

Saturday, 31 December 2016

New Year's Revolutions

Hey peeps,

I remember how I was still alive and mischeevous when I used to do new year's revolutions such as converting the Church of England to Christianity, but now my back is broken, I am finished and dying branded and shamed, my only revolution is to finish writing my books before the church and their police finish killing me.

The Year 2016

It has been an incredibly hard year, not that there have been any easy years. I am only doing a brief recap of the year this year as I am moving house and am very tired and ill.
I feel I should still do an account of the year even if my heart isn't in it. And in a way I am worried that I am repeating what is already in the books 'Coming Home' and 'Homecoming'.


In January this year I was somehow surviving on almost no money at all due to unfairly losing my tax credits and my work was very low as well, the winter is a hard time for gardeners and for me it was my first year back in work and I had been living hand to mouth and unable to prepare for winter. So I was in absolute poverty in January.

I was doing my best with my second term at university but it was a sad hard time. Christmas Day 2015 was the last time I saw my friend alive and she died in January of this year.

I continued to fight to rebuild my life despite the sadness and poverty, as I had no idea that the Church of England would destroy me and make it all worthless a few months later.

There was that disastrous day in January when I woke up to a leak in the roof and water dripping onto my laptop, and then Florence broke down in the pouring rain and floods in the middle of nowhere as I delivered the papers round the villages. Thankfully I managed to bump start her and get her home, but she needed a new starter motor.

I was coming to the end of my work delivering papers on the rural routes now anyway as it had been too much stress for me and Florence, and we swapped for a smaller, local round.

The wet weather and local flooding continued.

I joined a running course and was running well but it was badly arranged and hard to keep up with. When my friend died, I remember running and crying, and I renamed the blog 'The Journey Home' for some reason. Partly because Jane Fisher seemed to have vanished and I felt almost as if I had a right to live again despite losing my best friend.
I didn't get on with all my friend's family and I chose not to attend the funeral, I couldn't cope with them and I was too weak myself.

I was doing my best, despite my terror, to endure hospital appointments about my jaw as I now had a good dentist and he had been concerned about my jaw, the hospital backed up this concern and wanted to splint my jaw and do biopsies and things, but I was so tired, so ill and so I bottled out of hospital treatment. Quite apart from anything, I couldn't afford to get to the hospital and pay for parking or bus fares, I had no money and no-one was helping me.

I was attending gym regularly and getting on with a lot of exercise, and I was working a very quiet delivery driving shift and getting a lot of study done while I sat and waited for deliveries.


In February I started some more work to tide me over, leaflet distribution. Hard and unrewarding work but at least it kept me fit and started to bring money in.

I was treated dreadfully bu the first company I did leaflets for but I was spotted by someone who got me to take on a leaflet job for them as well, they paid me properly and I applied to get my tax credits back, and eventually I ended up doing delivery driving for them when I was treated too badly by the other place. These jobs aren't nice or permanent but what mattered was that I was earning a living.

The weather turned from wet to icy and I continued to try to lower my blood pressure after the crisis with Bob Hill's collapse had sent me into blood pressure crisis.

I decided to go ahead with my sponsored 70 mile walk even though I felt awful, depressed and ill, and I knew it would be hard doing the walk without my friend or any support.

I was walking to raise money for a charity that my youth group used to support when I was younger, because that charity came up in my university studies as a case study. I planned the walk for Easter.

I went out with my social group, a rare thing now because the damage by the church had been such that I just didn't want to go out any more. I was sad that the social group were reluctant to support my walk.

It was a leap year but I didn't propose to anyone, so my poor old neighbour downstairs remained unmarried until he died, despite the fact that he called me beautiful every time he saw me.


March appears to be quite nondescript. On March 8th I fell and my house keys went flying and I did a little

I had a dream in March, it seems to have almost been a prophecy, about the police. As you know, the police turned up in September this year and I hit the roof.

This is from the dream I had in March

And the police turned up.
The police actually took things seriously and wanted to question me on what I had seen, imagine if that happened in real life!
Anyway. In the dream I was furious with the police because they have treated me so badly in real life.
So I raged at them for what they have done to me, and they stood there looking surprised.
Poor dream-officers, it wasn't all their fault!

Anyway, I woke up thinking 'What on earth!' Because that was way too vivid and cohesive.

March was nondescript, and I was short of money, and at one point I accidentally let Florence's battery go flat.

The Channel Islands were having ferry problems so I wrote them yet another poem.

The plight of the condor:

 Engine failure

mechanical issues
weather issues
new boat detained

Goodwill under water
Clipper in for repair
Liberation captured
and Islanders in Despair

I started the sponsored walk on Good Friday, trying to get ahead of the forthcoming bad weather. I didn't feel like walking or celebrating Easter, but the first day or two of the walk was good weather so I survived, I took time off from all my work except delivery driving as I was the only driver. But later in the week the weather turned very bad with wind and rain and it was hard to complete the last Great Walk.

The sponsored walk put me in the mood for a spring clean and clearout of the rubbish I owned, and that is how March ended.


My friend was taking me to Opera and ballet, and I liked ballet but not opera at first.

Justin Welby decided that he would announce to the world that he spat on Jesus, by using the press and media for a stunt about his various fathers. Amazinly the world let him do this and limelight seeking leaders in other churches 'supported' him.

I made a complaint to the papers and ofcom and ipso that as Welby's corporation were under investigation for systemic child rape, they should not be advertising themselves but should have the decency to be quiet while under investigation, even for the sake of their victims.

The fact that I was delivering newspapers and had to deliver Welby's narcissistic stunt to so many houses left me off work ill. And of course Welby doesn't care if one of his victims starve, as long as people are mistakenly worshipping him.

I started to try to arrange a support worker for myself but it was impossible in my poverty and the unstable situation that the church were keeping me in.

Towards the end of April I was starting to revise for a music exam and end of term assessments for university, and my landlady got me to clean a filthy flat with a dying resident in it, cleaning that flat made me ill and I was under stress over revision as well, so it wasn't an easy time.

Hillsbourough Campaigners started to win a much-deserved victory in April, and Junior Doctors started striking.

I wrote a blog post about Bob Hill, and I felt better for it, because I felt to blame for his collapse even though he had hurt me a lot in his efforts to 'solve' my case.

My landlady went through a weird phase of offering me a downstairs flat and withdrawing the offer repeatedly, leaving me confused and upset, she appeared to be having major problems in her own life and was acting bizarrely.


This was the month of my exams and also the month that the church destroyed me. It is hard to write about.

I am not sure I want to go through it all again. I have been destroyed and waiting to die ever since.

The music exam was at the beginning of the month, and there was already a problem with the landlady hanging around the house and being weird and I was under stress. Then the day before the exam I witnessed an accident outside the house, a collision between a van and a motorbike, which left me shocked.

I still got the exam and passed it.
But then I was ill with stress, tired and in pain from the injuries seizing up with stress.

Immediately the Church of England launched upon me as I tried to pull myself together and do my end of term assessments.

It might be easier for my health if rather than go into details of the evil committed against me by the Bishop of Winchester and Archbishop of Canterbury, aided by the National Safeguarding Team, I post this, which sums up why there was a million pound cover-up that condemned me and my life and upheld criminal wrongdoers

And so I was destroyed to cover up for evil. And there is no safeguarding in the Church of England.

The church had spent a million pounds covering up for their evil and doing so at the expense of my life and health, and they wanted to bring it to a close, at my expense, in the press and media, discrediting me and upholding the wrongoders.

The damage is done and it would have been better if I had died in May. They continue to refuse to redact their discrediting and bring an independent investigation into my case, well if they did allow an investigation a number of people would have to resign or be arrested.


I managed to scrape through my university exams despite there being no point in life any more.

And it was all only getting worse.

I was being plagued by an idiot called Jane Dodds who wanted the Church cover-up neatly swept away and me co-erced into saying that being utterly destroyed was fine. She was caseworker for the national safeguarding team of the church on a voluntary basis before she suddenly vanished after adding to the harm to me.

But it was all worse, the situation where I lived had already been precarious before the church destroyed me, and I felt that I had no choice but to give notice, and I did. 

My work was falling apart as well, and Florence, the car, was due her MOT and I was sure I couldn't get her through the MOT.

I was going to lose Florence and my home and the rest of my life was already destroyed by the church, it felt as if all my work in rebuilding my life had been for nothing.

Bob Hill came out of hospital after many months but he couldn't speak, he wasn't quite the same Bob.

And then my tax credits were restored, so Florence went back to her old owners to be overhauled and sold on, I took Max, her younger brother, off their hands for a bit more than I paid for Florence.

I wrote this:

Jersey's failed and disgraced safeguarding partnership started harassing me in earnest over their whitewash report into my case and trying to force me to agree to it's publication, just as I prepared to move house and just after the move.

The house move and buying Max left me short of money and I nearly became dangerously ill with low blood sugar when food ran out.

I moved to the new house at the end of June. I was utterly exhausted, destroyed by the church and not sure what to do, I knew that the new place wasn't going to be a permentant home, it was right by a pub and with no parking and was mainly benefits tenants and a lot more run down than the old place. But what could I do? Everything I had built up was smashed down.


I started looking for more work despite the state I was in, I couldn't afford to sit around, but I was too unsure of most of the work that was on offer, but a gardening team who I had been in contact with in the past offered me sub-contract work and I took them up on it and have been working with them part time ever since as well as doing my own gardening rounds.

Max started having catalyst problems, and as I write this, we intend to change his catalyst in the new year. But it was worrying to start with as I didn't know what was wrong.

I started writing and preparing Manuscripts, and in July I started writing 'Coming Home' which kept me sane and occupied after my whole world had collapsed and been swept away, and I managed to keep going as a result, even with increasingly vile attacks by Jersey safeguarding partnership, culminating in their famous troll attack instigated by Ian Gorst.


On the same day as Battle of Flowers in Jersey, I marshaled for the local carnival. I hadn't marshaled since I used to marshal for Battle when I was in Jersey. If I wasn't in such a broken state then I would have said that this was a positive sign but after the horrific unhealable wounds inflicted by the church and Jersey Safeguarding Partnership, I wasn't recovering, I just happened to marshal, and it wasn't brilliant really, I just got posted outside a local church who I had been helping and they treated me like royalty, apart from that I didn't enjoy marshaling and wasn't fit to be there. I pretended it was great and wonderful but I felt like death.

On August 22nd I published my first three books, 'Goodnight Anna', 'Coming Home' and 'The Silent World'. And the books haven't stopped. I think including some in private circulation, there are about 18, and some of those are duplicated into other forms as well, such as e-books.

I re-started my music lessons which had been ruined by the church and poverty and I was revising for a grade 5 exam.

I had no idea what was about to happen.


Before the world shattered, I was preparing a new book, and I was starting to do short story competitions as well as preparing for university and revising for my grade 5 exam.

On September 3rd, in a grotesque parody of my old life, I stewarded at a local horticultural show, but to me it was just going through the motions, what I had before is gone forever, my community, my friends, my shows, the church destroyed it all, and I felt more sad and useless than anything else, but the people wanted me to start showing again for next year and they were trying to arrange me some land, which would have gone ahead if the police attack hadn't happened.

You may remember I posted this:

“I sit alone in a dead world. The wind blows hot and dry, and the dust gathers like particles of memory waiting to be swept away. I pray for forgetfulness, yet my memory remains strong, as does the outstretched arm of the oppressive air. It seems as if the wind has been there since the beginning of the nightmare. Sometimes loud and harsh, a thousand sharp needles scratching at my reddened skin. Sometimes a whisper, a curious sigh in the black of night, of words more frightening than pain. I know now the wind has been speaking to me. Only I couldn't understand because I was too scared. I am scared now as I write these words. Still, there is nothing else to do.”

Christopher Pike - Whisper of Death

September 5th 2016, it was raining in the morning, just enough to delay my work, so I was out and about, doing other things.

It was when I came back that my world stopped. I don't know if the shock and revulsion and terror will ever fade.

All was well, well as well as it could be after the horrific damage by the church and safeguarding partnership, and I was walking up to the flats, my landlord was working on the shop below the flats and he said hello and smiled, and I said hello and smiled, all normal, and then the world stopped and never re-started.

My landlord said to me 'You see that car there? That car belongs to two police, a woman and a man and they have come to see you'.

I am crying as I write this. I am severely traumatized. It was the end of my home, my safety and the last remnants of the life I had rebuilt, my safety and welfare depended on being a fugitive, and the bastards had found me.

My landlord told me that this man and woman had come all the way to find me, quite a journey, and they were 'concerned for my welfare'. They had come all the way from Jane Fisher's local police station, Jane Fisher, who repeatedly had me beaten and imprisoned to silence me for the church.

Those of you who don't know what 'concern for my welfare'  means, it means the police consider you to be insane and meriting a beating and imprisonment for your abusers.

The most horrifying things about this were that the bastards had actually been discussing me with my landlord, but worse, they had been able to trace me after all my efforts to be in hiding. I was done for, my new identity was my safety, the thing I relied on to not be branded and driven out, and the bastards would probably have ripped through my whole life, friends, community and private records and privacy and contacts, in order to destroy me again as they were doing now.

The one and only advantage I had was that the bastards had left their car and gone off somewhere.

I was hungry and I couldn't flee without my ID and food and things I needed, so I had no choice but to go into my flat.

Unfortunately the bastards came back as I did so, I had told the landlord that when they came back, to tell them to leave and never come back or I would make a harassment complaint. 
But unfortunately he had given them my phone number. And I was trapped in my home because they wouldn't leave.

Instead of leaving, the bastards tried to phone me.

I told them to leave or I would make a harassment complaint.

They weren't taking no for an answer and tried to text me.

I emailed professional standards and told them to get their bastards off my doorstep.

The bastards tried to leave but their car broke down and my landlord had to help them bump start it as they didn't know how!  He never stopped laughing but I wasn't laughing, because when they showed no sign of leaving, I climbed out the skylight and onto the roof, and I am scared of heights, I was terrified, traumatised and sobbing as my world shattered again.
I haven't recovered even now, as you may have noticed, I am very ill, and the police and professional standards have done nothing to rectify anything, nor explain this illegal violation of my home.

Well actually although the bastards left, they have been really nasty about my complaint, as have professional standards, and have jeered by sending letters in my old name for me to sign for when I am not allowed to and to see letters turning up in the flats under my old name and breaching the law and my identity change added to the horrific trauma, and as yet nothing has been done, and professional standards, knowing my new name as the police who turned up here did, also sent letters to me under every name but my own.

I haven't recovered. And there has been no resolution. I never felt safe in my home and the shock, the trauma, the revulsion, of being violated and having my new identity and new clean record ripped from me has left me deteriorating and depressed and afraid. Every time I heard a car engine I rushed to the window.

You will see from September's blog posts and lack of blog posts, that things were very bad.

My relationship with the landlord and fellow tenants was never the same again, and to be honest the whole street, gossips that they were, and the pub, knew all about it, but the police and professional standards have not apologized.

Instead of going on the run and sleeping rough permanently, I decided to hang onto my home and stand my ground. But I didn't re-settle in the flat, it stank of shame and revulsion, and the problem of the noise from the upstairs neighbour became worse and I stopped sleeping properly.


I continued to publish books. The Wanderer Series was halfway now.
University started and I just had to do my best despite everything.

I continued work as well.

On the Anniversary of being left homeless, I went to Southampton Airport as usual.

While working with the team we survived being pulled over at a police checkpoint.

Then I got some sad news that an old Christian friend had died. 

I went to a day school and I tried to prepare for my grade 5 exam but I was struggling so much.


November started catastrophically with professional standards jeering at me over my police complaint on the eve of my grade 5 exam, I broke a tooth the same evening, and also the same evening I coughed blood as my esophogus started bleeding again. 

I went and took the exam and then my adoptive mum who was supposed to meet me afterwards didn't turn up and Max redeveloped his catalyst fault as I headed for Winchester to celebrate North Walls.

I could hardly enjoy North Walls as I was too ill, and someone parked illegally, blocking Max in and I had to risk him getting a puncture as I had to bump him over kerbs.

When I got home I was violently ill, vomiting without stopping until there was only blood and bile coming up. It was supposed to be such a special weekend and there had been no good in the year at all and the weekend had been as bad as it could be, and yes, I failed the exam. I am mortified. My exams mean so much to me and I have to pay so much for them. I won't say things can't get worse, because the next church or police attack will be my horrible and messy death.

Anyway, work and university continued, even if I wasn't doing well at university. I went back on omeprazole and my esophogus stopped bleeding.

I got befriended by an old lady but she was extremely demanding and I couldn't cope with her, she wanted me to move in and be her housekeeper and all sorts, but I will tell you in full another time about that, it was totally unsuitable even if I was looking for another home.

My old dentist who was the only good dentist I ever saw, had left the practice and the new one filed my broken tooth down and had a bridge made up, but she kept ramming this bridge onto my sore gum and she wasn't English and didn't seem to understand that she was hurting me, I never wore the bridge in the end.
It is so unfair that I had found a good dentist and then he left.


December started with a bang. The bangs and crashes were from the upstairs neighbour at 2.45am in the morning, and I gave my notice when the landlord wouldn't do anything about this.

So I spent December looking for a new home and packing up my stuff.

I was very depressed and unhappy, but work and university continued, and I was offered a temporary home.
I was relieved at the thought of leaving the home that the police had destroyed, I was terrified every day that I remained there.

I tried to keep my life normal and prepare both for Christmas and the house move. It was stressful and I messed up a music assignment but scraped a pass.

My books about homelessness were beginning to grow a following.

Christmas arrived, and it wasn't too awful in some ways.

I enjoyed all the Christmassy television  and the lights and decorations, I was worried about money, because having put a deposit on the new place etc, I hadn't enough even for food, let alone celebrations, but several people stepped in and all was well.

I had just been to midnight mass and as I walked home, the police had closed the road and there was a dead man there, he had been murdered. That cast a shadow over Christmas a bit.

On Christmas morning I went to church and then spent the day with some people who live nearby, it was a nice enough day.

On boxing day I went to support the boxing day swim and came home, there was a strange man hanging around and I asked the police if it was a crackpot or one of their DCs, because this man hung around for ages and rang my doorbell but I didn't recognize him, he may have been a parasitic reporter about the murder up the road.

Anyway. I moved house a few days later and I am here at the new house, just finishing telling you about this terrible devastating year, and it sounds like many people have had a bad year.

The USA have a new president and the UK are leaving the Eurpoean Union and everyone us stressed and uncertain, it hasn't been a good year for anyone. But for me it has been pure hell and there seems to be no way it can get better, the damage to me can't really be repaired.

Happy New Year.

Friday, 30 December 2016

Gavin Ashenden

I deleted the post about Ashenden because it was offensive.
Offensive to Muslims.

However. If you want to know more about the offensive unchristian clergyman who worships his own ego, there is a guy in Jersey who writes about him and his offensive behaviour.

You have to wonder what Bishop Willmott thinks safeguarding means when Ashenden attacks any vulnerable group and Willmott spouts to the unquestioning press and media about safeguarding being good?
Especially as Ashenden tends to view my blog when he has been looking at porn sites, his feed always comes up as transferring from porn to my blog. Weird or what?

I remember one of the former students at Sussex telling me why Ashenden went insane, his wife was very ill and he tried to look after her, she got better and left him.
He has been nuts ever since, apparently, and he is the church of england's advert as they uphold his persistent narrow-minded and prejudiced rants.

As yet the church of england, especially the joke of a national safeguarding team, are doing nothing about him and have condoned his attacks on me and on muslims, other races and nations, disabled people, homosexual people and any minority group he feels able to attack to meet his own needs.

Anyone who thinks the man's behaviour is Christian has never read or understood the New Testament or Jesus' teachings.

Wednesday, 21 December 2016

The Christmas Prayers

Good evening peeps,

I am doing the Christmas Prayers a few days early due to the rather uncertain and transient situation I am in.

It isn't easy for me to pray any more, due to being destroyed by the Godless Church of England, so why don't I pray for them to start with. The Bible says pray for your enemies, and those people who have destroyed me make a show of praying for me, condescendingly and convince themselves of their innocence and good motive by doing so. 

  • I pray for them, that the scales will fall from their eyes. I pray in Jesus Name that all those involved in harming me, especially Justin Welby, Tim Dakin and Trevor Willmott and their associated staff and clergy are divinely guided in 2017 by their God to 'resign' as the Dean did. And I pray that they are blessed, no matter how evil and corrupt and psychopathic they have been. Because that is what Jesus wants, for us to bless our enemies and destroyers, and that is a theme throughout the Bible, it does not remove what they have done, I just pray a blessing on them, because I am perverse. Amen
  • I pray for anyone feeling as awful as I am or having survived or not so much survived complex and prolonged harm. No-one should ever have to feel like this. I pray for a better life for anyone who has been destroyed, especially those destroyed by powerful abusers who are above accountability. Amen
  • I pray for anyone who is dreading this Christmas due to loneliness, hardship, abuse of any kind, illness, bereavement, separation or any loss or tragedy. In Jesus Name, amen.
  • I pray especially for the homeless, my street brothers and sisters, those who will be reached by outreach this Christmas and those who won't. I pray that some of them will feel valued enough to start their journeys home. I pray that all will be able to survive the winter. Thank you Lord that one of our homeless couples have been housed. Amen
  • Thank you Lord for those who look after the homeless. Especially the two charities that I am in contact with. Bless them Lord. Amen
  • I pray about the toy appeals and their work, that no child gets missed out. I pray for all those children who have very little to look forward to this Christmas, I remember my own homeless childhood. Lord bless the children this Christmas, You and I know what it is like to be homeless and have nothing at Christmas and no child deserves nothing for Christmas or at any time. Bless them Lord, amen.
  • Lord look after the elderly, those who are cold or alone and feel left out or isolated this Christmas, send warmth and light and love. Amen
  • Lord, it is hard to ask because the Jersey Deanery are over to Satan and a lost cause, but please change that, if you can, turf the evilangelicals out or close the defunct churches down to prevent injury to any more children or vulnerable adults. Amen
  • Lord bless my friends and the people in my life, especially those who have blessed me by reading my books and giving helpful feedback. Amen
  • Lord I pray for vulnerable people who are scared by the news and the EU exit and other issues such as terrorism. Amen
  • I pray that the Church of England stop being able to use news and current affairs to glorify themselves as it upsets their victims and the general public. Amen
  • I pray for justice and resolution and peace for abuse victims, especially those suffering barriers to justice and miscarriages of justice and being treated badly for speaking up, and I pray for all the victims and survivors who have spoke up recently, as the old wounds will be re-opened. Amen
  • I pray for everyone going out celebrating this Christmas, those who celebrate with alcohol and parties and those who celebrate by going to midnight Mass, may there be no collisions between them. May everyone return home safely. Amen
  • I pray that 2017 will be a better year for me and for us all. I pray that 2017 will be the year that the Church of England repent and take responsibility for their evil or that they will be held accountable by another authority. In Jesus Name I beg and pray this, amen.