Welcome to the Anything and Everything Jersey and Winchester abuse case blog.

Please scroll past these initial links to get to the main blog or the post you have come to read.

This is a statement from last summer:

Here is a link to the four great letters:

Here is a collection of Open Letters:

Here is my psychological report from last year:

This is my Daily Blog running from October 2011 until now:

These are other people's blogs on my case:



The blog itself is quite broken up, not written in an ordered fashion, a bit mixed up, like I am, talking about Jersey, the Diocese and my life.

Thank you for reading my blog, please persevere if it is at a bitty phase, go back and find what you are looking for in older posts, use the search button, or look at the favourite posts and links in the side bars.

The blog is heavy, I know, but the case is complex and the reality is that it has always been beyond me to get past the trauma and tell my story, so I am doing my best, in bits, to do so, as well as sharing related articles and links.


  • I was abused in the Church of England as a vulnerable adult aged 19.
  • I was abused by the husband of a vicar who was also my counsellor, this vicar took me home as a replacement for her stepdaughter who her husband, the girl's father, had abused and abandoned.
  • I was further abused by another church officer.
  • The church tried to close my complaints down, refused to deal with them and left both abusers and those who stood up for them in church positions.
  • The church got me a criminal record for speaking up, they claimed I was harassing them.
  • I had never been in police trouble before, but as a result, I lost my home and job, and was left on the streets, injured by the police and severely traumatized.

  • Last year, years too late and the other side of me being destroyed, and while I was still homeless and destitute, the church launched on me in the National press, claiming to apologize.
  • They also launched in the press, a 'report' into what had happened. This report was hideously inaccurate although it did show how members of church had abused process in not dealing with my complaint.
  • The report, although not naming me, made it quite easy for me to be identified, I was one of very few autistic 33 year old women in the UK on the streets, and enough people who I met and was looked after by, knew who the report was about, and I lost friends and was shunned as a result.
  • I also had strangers condemning and maligning me, it was heartbreaking.
  • Then a church officer associated with my abuser, also in government, released my name and breached the data protection act.

  • As a result of the Press reports and the report released, an all-out war broke out between the Diocese and Deanery involved, with me caught in the middle, I was slandered, I was smeared, I was condemned.
  • The Church offered no help and I became ill as each new inaccurate report and cover up came out, each new damnation of me.
  • New investigations were comissioned, and one was blatantly conflicted, to be carried out by a member of the group who supported the wrongdoers.
  • I have been excluded from all reports, which, to save the church, are whitewashes which cover up the original admissions of wrongdoing.
  • The church have treated me coldly, threatened me, despite them having me illegally traced by police, and have not helped me, instead they made illegal referrals of me to what they called help, without my consent and without checking it would help or what I wanted.
  • I have pleaded with them to stop the harm to me, but to no avail, and I am living in fear, severely traumatized and knowing I cannot withstand the damning press reports and whitewashes forever.

Friday, 26 June 2015

'There's something wrong with my microphone' said the Vicar...

... 'And also with you!' replied the congregation.

This limerick was blatantly pinched, stolen and nicked from the rightful author, as you can see, I am not bright enough to write something like this, as Peter Ould will confirm. Has Ould been canonised yet? Usually the Church of England promote and canonize any clergy who behave badly.

There once was a Dean called Key
Who broke away from a Bishop’s See
He fell out over Bishop Dakin
Over the fuss he was makin’
And went over to Canterbury
There was a Vicar called Ashenden
Who always said he was the Queen’s Chaplain
We are not amused, said the Queen
Either by him or Jersey’s Dean
But we’ll say nothing except Amen

The only reason the Church of England are managing to survive in the mess they are is because of the sheep mentality.

7th Interview with HG

1. Do you like having your photograph taken? Why? Or why not?
No, not really, but on the other hand I don't mind it terribly. My adoptive mum and friends seem to like photos and things, and my Mum once took one of my photo collages to a fellowship meeting to show it off to everyone there, photos of my life, there aren't that many but I guess photos are a good way of remembering good times.

2. Do you like taking photographs? What are your favourite scenes?

Yes, I am a keen photographer, I like to do landscapes, seascapes, wildlife and animals, trains and events.
3. Photographs: do you like scenes or photos of people most, or both? Why?

Scenes, I am too autistic to look at pictures of people much, and I like to see different scenes and landscapes, however, I am quite happy to get photos from my penpals of themselves so I know what they look like.
4. Do you paint or draw? What do you paint or draw?

I don't really paint or draw, for the last 15 years or so, people have tried to get me to paint and draw because a common perception is that it is 'therapeutic' I am not artistic in the painting and drawing way and I get bored and fed up with being encouraged to draw and paint. After my unhappy art classes last year, I refuse to paint or draw.
5. Do you write poetry or short prose? Which do you prefer?

I guess what I write would loosely be described as prose, more often described as rubbish, a bit like rappers just simply  describing life situations while some people say that isn't music, I just write about life and feelings and it isn't really poetry, in 2012, my supporters and I described it as un-poetry as I used it  to help draw me out of the darkness and back into life. It is kind of prose.

6.  Do you know any flower names? Latin names or common names? List a few.

Yes, I had to learn all the ruddy Latin names at college. Verbena bonariensis (my favourite), Fraxinus excelsior, Fraxinus badcanonus, (bahaha), Juniperus horizontalis, etc etc.

7. What is your favourite domestic flower?

Verbena bonariensis
8. What is your favourite wild flower?

Bluebell (English not the invading overseas ones)

8. Do you keep flowers or grow flowers? If you don’t but could, would you, and what would you have?

Complex question.We have a lovely garden where I live, but although I do some work in it, I do not actively grow plants, not this year anyway. I am too busy building up a business and preparing for university.
Yes, I would love to have greenhouses and grow plants again, and maybe next year I will.
I would grow fuschias and Pelargoniums if I could. I am a gardener so I work with plants a lot, but just this year, only just back in work, I don't have the time or facilities to grow plants this year.

9.  Have you been swimming this year? Was it cold?
If you mean sea swimming, yes, I swam for the first time this year a few weeks ago and it was cold., and I swam yesterday and it was warm.
I swim in the pool all year round and it is kind of tepid.

Wednesday, 17 June 2015

Sixth Interview with HG

Despite being far from home on holiday, I have more interview questions to answer:

1. Sea or Pool? I know you like swimming, but which do you prefer? The open sea at a beach or an indoor pool? Why?

Sea, although it is difficult to get a regular swim due to the weather. Our local pool is small and gets clogged with old ladies who stand in the lanes and chat during the morning swimming sessions, how annoying. I have just started sea swimming for the year but will still pool swim along with my gym sessions. The good thing about the beach is there is always room, we have miles of sandy beach and it is good to do a quick sunbathe too, I am not a lying on the beach person, nerves and ADHD mean 10 minutes is enough. 
I live a few minutes from the beach, so it is easy to fit in a swim and sunbathe.

  2. Travel – where is the furthest place you have ever travelled to (outside the UK) Have you ever visited Ireland, Scotland, Wales? Where did you go? What was it like?

The furthest place I have travelled is New Zealand, but back then I was unprepared and was with someone who was scornful of my disability and resulting anxiety, so I was under too much stress to fully enjoy it, but it was an interesting experience. 

A note about travel, in the church of england, you get all the wealthy old people who have been everywhere, and because I am disabled and poor, they used to amuse themselves by saying to me 'oh, have you ever been abroad? Where's the furthest you have travelled?' the reply 'New Zealand' tended to shut them up. Haha. 

I have visited Ireland, Scotland and Wales. I absolutely adore Ireland, well who doesn't? I did a train trip across Ireland one time, I lived in Wales and worked on a sheep farm, beautiful mountains but I hated the job, the farmer was a psycho. I like Scotland, the people are friendly and kind like in Ireland and the scenery is lovely too. 

 3. Town or Country – which do you prefer?  Why?

Country, definitely, the peace and quiet and farms, I trained in agriculture and worked on farms, although due to my health, I can't work on farms now. I love open  landscapes, hills and cottage gardens with bird song in the early morning. I do also enjoy towns, I like art and architecture, so towns are a good source of those, I also love museums and local history, call me boring but I find it all fascinating.

 4. Birdsong – can you identify any birds a) by sight b) by song? Which ones.

Yes, I know a number of birds by sight or song, my adoptive parents are bird fanatics and I am learning from them. I know the birds of prey, and some common garden birds. I know a few bird songs, mainly robin and blackbird, of course, the blackbird has such a lovely song during the season.
 5. Summer is coming. Do you like ice cream? Do you have a favourite ice cream?

Yes, I like ice cream, I tend to get my ice cream from a little place run by locals on the seafront, they are nice and they know me, the other place I go for ice cream with my friend in the car is on the viewpoint above the town, there is an ice cream van owned by a local company and they do really good ices, not horrible liquidy stuff, real solid tasty stuff, we sit up there and enjoy the view and eat our ices. And my favourite flavour is rum and raisin. I like solid ice cream, not whipped stuff.

 6. Web Addicted – can you survive without the internet? Or do you feel withdrawal symptoms (I do!). What parts of the internet do you use – web browsing, Facebook, Twitter? What do you tend to look at online?

I am not severely web addicted, I find it a relief not to be online sometimes. I do find the internet very helpful though.In fact the internet is fairly essential for me as I strive to run an efficient business and also prepare for exams and do prep courses for my university degree, things like that. I do a lot of interactive learning online and also communicate with people who are studying languages and interested in the international community. I don't bother with facebook much, I am too autistic for that kind of thing, but twitter is great for human rights activism and news. I also blog, as you know. Life is so full, and the internet is just part of that, I guess I need it for my life but I also like to be doing other things such as music, sport and work.

 7. Egg – do you like eggs? What egg dishes can you cook? Which do you like the most?

Eggs again! I occasionally do fried eggs as part of a healthy fry-up, and boiled eggs for sandwiches, I like eggs but my tummy doesn't, so I don't have many.
 8. Activity – how do you keep fit?

My work is physical, as you know, so that helps, I also bike around, I deliver papers by bike every morning normally (not this week as I am away) I also do swim and gym whenever I can. I can't run as my legs and back and lungs are too shot, but I used to love running and I feel useless now that I can't.
 9. Christianity – what’s most important for you about your faith?

My faith has been so shattered by the events of the last 7 or more years that it is barely there, I don't go to church any more as it distresses me and it seems that the diocese can catch up with me through any church and have me treated like dirt and thrown away. Their attitude while they claim to be Christians and a Christian church is the death blow to my faith, the way they have left me suffering is the last straw.

Wednesday, 10 June 2015

Fourth interview with HG

I think the interviewer has an inkling that I have a cat, I also think I have been asked the languages question in another interview.

1. What’s your favourite name for a cat?
We used to have a cat called Caliban. I don't think you can beat that! 

2. Do you have a cat? What do you feed it?
We have a cat, he can be a monster but his name is not Caliban. He is asleep on my bed, upside down as I write this, he is irresistable like that and I want to tickle his tummy but he would not be amused. He is fed from an auto-feeder which holds up to three weeks feed, he has scientific formula cat food that is supposed to keep him healthy, and he is strong and quick and in good condition for a 14 year old. I have to be careful when he wants to play 'swipe through the bannisters' because he is so quick that I can end up with shredded skin.
3. Do you ever vote?
No. Maybe this year was as close as I got to considering voting, but I didn't need to as our guy got back in anyway.
4. If you voted, would it be Conservative, Labour, Liberal, UKIP, Green, Monster Raving Loony or Other? Why?
I would have to vote conservative because of the huge damage that the current and last government have done and are doing to the voiceless vulnerable in the benefits system.
5. Do you prefer eggs poached, fried, hard-boiled, in an egg cup, scrambled? What would you eat them with?
I don't often eat eggs due to having a slight reaction to them, not full blown allergy but discomfort. I do like a fried egg as part of a healthy fry up at the weekend, eggs with rindless back bacon, fried in fry-lite and with some slices of small wholemeal loaf and Bertolli. Yummy. I occasionally boil eggs for sandwiches but I see no point in scrambled eggs as they seem tasteless to me.
6. Do you ever have soft boiled eggs, and do you make bread “soldiers” to go with them?

No, I am not a toast and soldiers person, partly because I grew up without that kind of thing and no-one ever introduced it to me until Jersey when the churchwarden kept trying to show me how to knock the top off a soft boiled egg, but being dyspraxic, I can't really do it, and it is so much trouble. 
7. Do you ever eat prunes? Have you ever eaten prunes?

Yes, prunes are nice, I have had them sometimes when I was a child when prunes were on offer, my dad would buy them. They taste OK and they have their uses, but I don't tend to buy them. Actually I don't tend to buy tins at all, because I really dislike the metal that they are made of and opening tins sets my teeth on edge.
8. If you have, did you put the stones around the plate, counting them, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier Sailor etc....?

No, not with prunes, we used to do that with plum stones when I was a child, I think.
9. What’s your favourite out door temperature (in centigrade please!)? What’s too hot? And too cold?

Interesting question, this morning I was chatting to my autistic friend, we are on a similar spectrum but he is a genius and he asked if I counted temperature in Centigrade or Farenheit, but my reply was that I can't count in either, I have a learning difficulty called dyscalculalia, which means I have very little ability to measure anything. I think when I read temperatures on a chart, when it says -3 that means cold, 10 or 15 means mild, and 25 or 30 means hot.

10. What’s your favourite soup? Do you make your own?

I like lentil soup, or chicken soup, I don't like tinned soup, I am OK with some packet soup but sometimes I have allergic reaction if there is powdered milk in it. I don't often make soup due to my life being about running around like a headless chicken.
I have occasionally made chicken soup, but to be honest, not very often. I can't stay home and watch it, I am more likely to make stew anywhere.
11. What foreign languages can you speak? How well can you speak them?

I think someone asked me this before. I was brought up speaking Hebrew as well as English but it has been so long that I only remember some of it, and it always amuses me when people in churches mispronounce it dismally when doing readings. I speak some French, and French will be part of my degree course. I studied French at Evening class in Jersey. I know a few words of Portugese and some Italian, I had a working holiday in Italy and also did a certificate course. I did an Irish Certificate as well.  I am not really a linguist yet, but I fully intend to improve my languages, and I have penpals in various countries, it is so interesting to learn about language and culture, and I am looking forward to University.

A post by a Jersey blogger -The parable of the knife

This caught my attention so I asked if I could reblog it, it is a Jersey blogger's post about social media and how survivors can be affected. Thank you to Tony the Prof who blogs about issues in Jersey and the wider world: 


Parable of the Knife

Do you remember Doris Luke (played by Kathy Staff) in Crossroads? A do-gooder whose interventions invariable caused more problems for those they were trying to help.

Bloggers can sometimes do harm, even when they intend to do good. This short piece tries to communicate what that can feel like if you are vulnerable, sensitive and have bad memories brought back by those who think they are doing you a good turn. It's not about me. It's about someone I know who has trouble persuading "do-gooders" that their interventions can do more harm than good.

I hope it conveys something of how this makes those "helped" feel, and how disruptive it is to getting their life back together again.

Parable of the Knife

He was an old man now, but he could still remember the events. The cell. The strangeness of the court. Many people speaking to him. His head hurt. And then, he’d agreed something, and it made them happy, and it was all over.

For them, not for him. Suddenly he was on a plane, landing, left, nowhere to go.

“Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.”

He was homeless, sleeping rough for many years. The cold and hunger remained in his memory, pain etched deep. But it was also liberating: no people speaking, telling him what to do, not understanding, and with their own ideas of what was in his best interests.

It was in the past now, and he was rebuilding his life, far from the troubles of the past, but flashbacks still haunted his days from time to time, made worse by those who still thought they could speak for him.

The world had become global, and blogs from those who had decided to support him came, and came, each time, a turn of the knife, each time a dagger of the mind, bringing back that past.

Wasn’t that patronising? How dare they think they knew him better than he did? And why wouldn’t they leave him alone?

He told them to stop, but they would not listen. He begged them to stop, but they would not listen. He emailed, and ranted at them – stop, stop, stop – but they would not listen. That cut deep.

Sometimes those who take your side can do more harm than your enemies.

And so he wrote this down, wrote how he felt, how miserable this made him, the pain, the memory. Memory never goes away. Traumatic memories may be held back, but they are always there, waiting to be released. Sometimes it can be a scent, a sound, and sometimes – a blog.

"Think before you blog" would be a good maxim, especially when dealing with vulnerable people. Have some fellow feeling for the harm that well-intentioned support can do. That’s all he wanted to say, all he wanted them to hear. You are damaging me.

But they would not listen. And in the end, he put his head in his hands, in despair, and wept.

And still they blogged on his behalf. And twisted the knife deeper.

Sunday, 7 June 2015

Third interview with HG

Yes, we are starting to chat a bit about Jersey in this one.

 Do you like ironing?

No! Anyone who regularly reads my daily blog knows I am obsessive about housework, but ironing is a job I avoid. And most of my clothes are simple non-iron, while my bedding is soft Jersey non-iron, like the bedding I had when I lived in Jersey! :) I love soft clothes and linens and I do very little ironing. I am happy with cleaning ovens and toilets, but I hate ironing. However, I can iron. 
Favourite activity in Jersey? What was it, who did you do it with?

Spoilt for choice with this question!  I had many  favourites, I had a great time on the tall ships, loved all the sailing, enjoyed karate and football, rock climbing, photography, basically the favourites are endless. But I can't really say on here who I did these activities with, as I do not want to cause any problems.

 How did you get about to places in Jersey?

Mainly I drove, I did do a bit of walking, running and even cycling, but not enough. In my last days in Jersey I had no car and was walking, or rather hobbling, because unnoticed, various issues with my walking had worsened and I didn't know what they were or why. Do you like old fashioned hymns? What is your favourite old fashioned hymn?

I used to enjoy some of the old fashioned hymns a lot, and would often listen to them or sing them, but due to the trauma I associate with Church, I don't really find them easy to listen to any more. I like 'Thine Be the Glory' and 'Amazing Grace' and a few others. I rarely hear or think about hymns any more, because I associate church so much with hurt and flashbacks. Do you like modern hymns? What is your favourite modern hymn?

I like some modern hymns, like most people, I have hymns I like and dislike, and again, I have the same issue of trauma that hymns can trigger, I like 'All to Jesus I surrender' and 'Shine Jesus Shine' and a number of others. Have you every seen people fainting at a church service as part of the service? Yes, I remember it being set up as a kind of show, the people laying on hands manipulate people to fall over, it still scares the hell out of me to recall the amount and depth of manipulation and some of the damage it does to vulnerable people. I suffered other kinds of deep psychological damage in such services and 'healing sessions' and know others who have been put at risk this way. I even had someone making a series of direct complaints to me about being harmed by such things in a church in Jersey, because the horrendous handling of my case meant s/he didn't dare to complain to the Dean or Diocese!!!

Which Jersey Churches did you visit (ie. see)?

Now the questions get harder, I try to remember and my mind goes terrified and blank. I will start by saying I always intended to visit St. Saviours Parish church for the historical side of things, but never got around to it. I did manage to visit the chapel at Hogue Bie a few times when I went to be enthusiastic about the archeology side of things there, awesome!  And the story about the sunlight at sunrise? Am I remembering right?

I think I visited most of the parish churches and also some of the Methodist churches, the big Methodist church in St. Helier is quite impressive, and of course the glass church, and although I often heard tourists muttering dissapointedly about the glass church, I did like the glass angels and how light the church was.
I can't remember the name of the closed church that sometimes had concerts but it always seemed such a shame it was closed, I remember the concerts there, maybe I will talk about that another time though.
The Town Church, of course, but I didn't find it very inspiring and the atmosphere itself there is not good, without even anyone being there.
And I seem to recall concerts at a little Methodist chapel in St. Aubin, and then of course the Fisherman's chapel, I think I went there even before I lived in Jersey, so peaceful there, a good place to light candles and pray.

So I got a good and interesting look at churches in Jersey, but always regrettably never managed to stop at St. Saviours Church, even when I went to the Parish Hall, I think it was a question of nowhere to park and I was always in a hurry.

 Which Jersey Churches did you attend (not the same question)?

You are so mean, I don't remember a thing, next question please! 

Churches I attended, it may sound like a lot, but I found churches in Jersey very hard, especially when I was being slandered and shunned, but not just that, they are not like mainland churches and some of the leanings frightened me, so I didn't settle comfortably in a church, especially not when I was being insulted, shunned or attacked for reporting abuse.

I attended St. Andrews church, that was a core church that I attended, and they did joint services with St. matthews sometimes, but didn't do their own evening service, so I would go to the evening service at St. Matthews, great music!, and in the beginning when I lived near St. Lawrence church and was working on Sundays, I would go to early morning communion at St. Lawrence before work, it was so peaceful there.
I also sometimes went to early communion at St Ouens church on the way to work, and later attended a few other services there.
I recall attending a 'longest night service just before Christmas and that was at one of the Churches in the East of the Island and I went to evening  college with the Vicar's wife, that fact is not widely advertised by the church, because of course the Vicar's wife there cannot claim I was mad and bad and trashed the classroom. Haha, I am digressing.
Of course, in the early days, the churchwarden and his wife used to drag me to spend the evening with their little circle of friends at the Town Church, I found it all very boring and it was extremely extremely cliquey there, snooty is a harsh word but not out of place. Anyway, I mustn't get negative.
I attended St. Clements church for a while.
I also briefly attended St. Brelades church.
And was also kindly invited to attend an evangelical church, and I did visit them, another invitation was to a Methodist chapel, very kind, and also a Baptist church, who treated me terribly when they heard from the church of england.
I was also kindly invited to, and helped by, the Catholics in Jersey, who not only helped to strengthen my failing faith, but inspired me to later renounce the Church of England and become a Catholic.

I don't really want to remember any more, the way I was slandered round the churches in Jersey is inexcusible, it is a whole Island of churches completely forgetting Jesus' teachings and example, and to actually repeat that slander back to me and attack me in public, there are some very shameless and soulless people in Jersey (and the Diocese of Winchester).

Thursday, 4 June 2015

A second interview with HG...

Again, this will disappoint people who want gory details.
But it is interesting how many people have read the interviews,
and ANYONE is welcome to submit a series of questions,
and judging by the interest, I am surprised that I am not getting serious church and Jersey questions so much yet.

Interview Questions in bold.

1. What is your favourite desert /pudding?

I am not much of a dessert person and I don't often do dessert, sometimes I do merangue with fruit and yogurt after my Sunday dinner, and when I go to the outreach meal, the do nice stodgy puddings, and occassionally I get small trifles or cheesecakes from the shop, but I shouldn't as I need to watch my weight.
2. What is your favourite Disney film?

I am not a disney fan, I do not like the way they make young people feel that they have to see the films or be the odd one out, I do not like the dangerously over-emotional stories and scenes as I think these are bad for young children. Sorry, I cannot name a Disney film that I really like.
3. The Two Cultures: do you prefer science or art / literature?

Science! Although art and literature are very interesting. I love science and I am looking forward to studying Environmental Science in the autumn.
4. Are you an Early Bird or a Night Owl person?

I am an early bird, I have never been good at staying up late deliberately, only insomnia caused by trauma would keep me up late.  I like being up early.
5. Do you like Classical music? Favourite composer?

Yes, I find classical music very soothing, my Mum always listened to Classic FM and my Brother also liked classical music. 
I am really not sure who my favourite composer is, as with other genres of music, I like whatever sound I like, and it can be by any composer.
6. Hair: if you could choose to be a blonde, brunette, black hair or redhead, which would you be? Have you ever changed hair colour (with dye?)

I am happy with my hair, I wouldn't change it. I used to be close to a girl who usually had her hair black and green, and I tried her black dye but I was allergic to it. Never again! :)
7. Do you prefer to read magazines or books?

Usually books, I am a book person, but sometimes magazines are good for light reading. My old housemate used to give me her magazines and sometimes it was nice to read but Women's magazines make me kind of wonder if people are really that shallow, so to speak, I hope that doesn't sound uppity.
8. Do you paint?

No, I am dyspraxic and I am a messy pup, having paint in the house would be a disaster, I have already spilled and dropped a lot of things today.
9. Is there any food you really dislike?

I am not keen on sweetcorn and I don't like sweet foods in the morning.
ah, beetroot, yeah, I hate that! 
10.  Early memories: first pop song you heard and really liked

Well my siblings liked Abba, and Abba was one of the few Pop groups my Dad didn't ban, and I liked some of the songs although I didn't understand them. I gather that because of my parents superstitions and Jewish culture, they liked the fact that the band was called Abba, which means Father in Hebrew. 
One particular song is 'Another Town Another Train' as it reminds me of slightly better times although paradoxically it reminds me of my sister being suicidal and trying to jump in front of trains and coming home and telling me.

Thank you for interviewing me.

Tuesday, 2 June 2015

The first interview with HG...

Just to annoy the pants off a few people, this interview didn't mention the church or Jersey...
Interviewers are still being invited, if anyone would like to send questions in.

Interview questions in Bold:

1. What is your favourite meal? Do you have happy memories of it?

This is a tough question. I have a number of meals I enjoy, and being a creature of habit, I tend to eat them regularly. I guess a good roast dinner is my favourite meal, and when my Mum was well enough she would cook a good roast when I was a child, so I guess that is a happy memory. I can cook a decent roast now, I am proud to say, so I tend to do a roast on Sunday if I have time, and if not, I do a quick chicken Korma, which I also enjoy.  When I was young we often had apple pie and custard after a roast, but I am always too full, so I tend to do a 'Healthy Eton' which is merangue with fresh fruit and fat free yogurt. 

2. What is your favourite book?

Argh! I do have a tough interviewer! I think I will randomly choose 'Insomnia' by Stephen King. I first read this when I was on the Streets, at a daycentre and it gave me a taste for Stephen King books, I am also very fond of another of his books'Duma Key' . I am not really a fan of horror but what I like about King is that he makes his characters and landscapes very real and imaginable, he has a talent with that, and the horror is generally not nightmare stuff anyway.

Other books and Authors I like include Shane Dunphy, who I often mention on my blog, and Cathy Glass and Casey Watson's books.

3. What is your favourite fruit?

Another tough question! At the moment I have a fruit bowl of clementines, bananas and apples, I am not keen on apples or bananas but I eat them regularly for energy and health, I do like clementines but I guess grapes are my favourites, I have tubs of frozen grapes in the freezer to keep me from craving sweet things, frozen grapes are a great treat and completely fat free, and can be added to cold drinks or ice cream.

4. Do you like marmite? (The killer question)

Argh! Err...No, my sister's boyfriend used to make me eat marmite because of the vitamin content but I am not a marmite fan, however I don't hate it, I just think it tastes like earwax probably does.

5. What are your earliest memories of friends?

Unfortunately I don't have many good early memories of friends, my family were very closed and we weren't normally allowed to play with other children and we didn't go to school, so there are few early memories of friends, and I remained isolated for the first 17 years of my life, and by the time I left my family I didn't know how to relate to people, so I have remained isolated.

During my early years, my family were friends with another unusal family and everyone in my family said that a girl my age from that family was my friend, but she was neurotypical and I was autistic and she wasn't very nice to me.
I did briefly have a pretend friend, copied from a book, but I saw little point of this and my siblings were quite nasty about it when they found out. So, sorry, no good memories.

6. What was the first book you read?

Good question, I am not sure. I remember we had Enid Blyton's 'Noddy'Books and they were among the first books but I cannot remember any more than that.

7. If you could be a character in Harry Potter, who would it be?

I am not keen on Harry Potter, it is like a click-Story that everyone needs to have seen and know about, and I have seen bits of it but am not very interested in it. I will be the Pheonix, if that's OK?

8. What countries have you visited in your lifetime?

eee, now you are being nosey! I will be visiting another country in a few weeks, no further comment! But I love islands that deport me for free! :)

9. What languages can you speak?

gibberish, some sign language, some Hebrew, French, Italian, Irish and a few words of German. I also speak nortylanguage, which is a bit like German and a bit like insanity. I have done Irish and Italian courses and as well as enjoying travelling, I enjoy online chatting and also pen palling with people in different countries, and languages are part of the degree course I will hopefully be starting this autumn.

10. Are you a dog person or a cat person (or both or neither)?

I am both, we have a cat and I love him very much, apart from when he bites, scratches or wakes me up during the night, all of which he does frequently. He is mad but very lovely, and I often write about him on my daily blog.  My friend has Collies and I love them too.

11. How tall are you? Would you like to be shorter, taller or are you just right?

I am 5'7 and that is just right. 

12. Do you like your hair long or short? Why?

My hair is short, and this is because it won't grow long smoothly, if I let it grow, it becomes very thick and messy, and also because my work can make my hair dirty, I keep it short.

13. Apple, Dinosaur, Saturn, Typewriter – which do you think could be the wrong one out? (Give up if stressed!) 

These are all the odd ones out from other things. But I will go for the non-word-processing one.

14.  If there was a fancy dress ball, who would you go as?

I would go as a hedgehog, complete with fleas, to keep away unwanted attention.

Thank you for interviewing me.

Tuesday, 19 May 2015

Bob Hill puts his teeth back in and speaks up

He's still missing out a few facts but never mind.

Reblogging Bob's blog, seeing as he is shooting his mouth off about my case!

Tuesday, 19 May 2015

Jersey's Dean--All Quiet on the Winchester Front.

Jersey has just celebrated the 70th anniversary of its Liberation from 5 years of Nazi Occupation. In many of the sermons espoused by our Island’s clergy at Services held celebrate the anniversary was the need for reconciliation. 

Unfortunately for some clergy it is easier to talk about the matter than practice it. The same can be said for honesty where not for the first time the Church of England has provided ample evidence of its “Do as I say and not as I do” approach to life.

As an example of its double standards I cite the Jersey Deans infamous handling of a complaint made by a vulnerable person whereby the promised outcome is still awaited.

Although the complaint was made 7 years ago the matter only came to light 2 years ago following a review by Jan Korris. This resulted in the Dean being suspended by Bishop Dakin who soon fell foul of the Dean’s supporters who claimed that because of the ancient practice of the Dean, on appointment, receiving Letters Patent from the Crown, the Bishop was acting outside his remit.

Although the matter is now two years old those appointed to address the matter have either acted as though it never occurred or have arrogantly abdicated their responsibility.

The Dean was hastily reinstated following his "apology" for “any” mistakes he “may” have made and promised to co-operate with any review that might ensue.

Two reviews were undertaken and their outcomes should have been made known at least 12 months ago. 

Two weeks ago in an attempt to seek an update I emailed Tim Dakin, the Bishop of Winchester with a request that the four issues below be addressed. Sadly, but not surprisingly I have not received a reply

This is a copy of the email dated May 4th.

Dear Bishop Tim, 
It is now 2 years since you suspended and reinstated the Dean. It is also 2 years since you appointed Bishop Gladwin and Dame Heather Steel to review the Constitutional situation and the Dean’s handling of a complaint. To date no reports have been published.

It has been reported that a further review is to be undertaken in respect of the Constitutional issues. If that is the case please could you inform me what steps you are taking to publish Bishop Gladwin’s findings or are they to be incorporated into the new review?

Regarding Dame Heather's Report, you must be aware that there are a number of valid reasons why Dame Heather’s Report can never be published. Apart from the legal issues and Dame Heather’s flawed investigation, there is also the issue of the undertakings referred to in your letter to the former Bailiff last May and those submitted to Winchester Court last June.

My justification for claiming that Dame Heather’s investigation was flawed is because of her failure to interview the main witness, namely the complainant or review her arrest and deportation as recommended by Ms Korris in her Report. Concerns about Dame Heather’s conflict and unsuitability can be confirmed in the transcript of her 3 hour meeting with me in October 2013.

You will recall that before my meeting with Dame Heather it had been agreed that I would receive a copy of the transcript. After the meeting I was again promised a copy but despite numerous requests to you and Dame Heather the transcript has not been provided.

The Dean’s handling of the complaint has caused great distress to a number of people including the complainant, your self, the Dean and a large number of ordinary church goers who have seen their money wasted on flawed reviews and the ending of our 500 year association with Winchester.

The matter has dragged on and I believe it is incumbent on you as the instigator of the suspension, the Visitation, broken promises, distress, and the break from Winchester to come clean with the people you represent and make it known what you propose to do with the finding of the Gladwin Review and the Steel Report.

I know that sometimes it is difficult to accept that we are capable of making mistakes but the appointment of Dame Heather was a mistake as evidenced by the way she conducted her investigation and if her report was published it would cause even further distress. Therefore it should be shredded.

In summary I would be grateful if you would;

1 Update me on what you propose to do with the Gladwin findings. 
2 Confirm that you will not be publishing the Steel Report. 
3 Provide me with the copy of transcript of my meeting with Dame Heather. 
4 Advise me how much the Visitation has cost to date.

I would be grateful if you would acknowledge receipt of this email and assure me that my requests above will be addressed within the next two weeks. 

It is disappointing that the Bishop has ignored a simple request.  

It is not surprising that Bishop Gladwin has found the constitutional issues to be complex and that is probably why another review is to be undertaken, so why the silence?

The appointment of Dame Heather Steel was a mistake and for reasons above her Report should be shredded. I should also be given the promised transcript. So why continue to withhold it?

It has been reported that no disciplinary action is being taken against the Dean, however no reasons have been given nor whether the Dean has been exonerated.  

It could be said that as the Bishop had no powers to suspend the Dean then he has no power to discipline him. Leaving the matter open to speculation is unsatisfactory.

What is also unsatisfactory is that Bishop Dakin has claimed there are serious Safeguarding concerns in Jersey. Given my recent involvement with another safeguarding matter, I have no problem in endorsing Bishop Tim’s concerns. However what are those concerns and who is addressing them?

Given the time taken and of the personal involved the cost of conducting the reviews/investigations are likely to be in excess of the original estimate. The costs are not being met from the Bishop's pocket so why are they being withheld?

When I met a senior member of the clergy two years ago he described the Jersey situation as a mess. Two years on it can be said that not only does confusion reign supreme but the mess is now a much bigger and more expensive.

The issue will not go away and the longer there is a denial of the truth the more harm will be inflicted on the Church of England. It does little for its integrity when its Ministers espouse the virtues of reconciliation yet the Dean of Jersey and Bishop of Winchester cannot bury their differences. It also does little to inspire confidence when it cannot honour promised made.

Sadly I doubt whether anyone at Canterbury really cares, because if they did they would not permit the matter to fester. 

Sunday, 17 May 2015

Gavin Ashenden 2

A lot of people are landing on my blog looking for Ashenden, again.

Well, I gather he has had a row with the JEP, but I am still not wasting time on him.

Other bloggers have done posts, and one blogger has actually posted the article that the JEP have refused.
I cannot locate that article but I can link you to the other blog posts about Ashenden's whatever.

Please feel redirected, I am too busy for Revd. Ashenden at the moment.
Here you are:

Thursday, 7 May 2015

The Church and the election

Once upon a time in Jersey, a Vicar tried to openly influence the local election because two candidates were part of the church. He got promoted by the church and treated royally.
The elections in Jersey are and always have been, influenced by the church.
As are the elections in the UK.

But what puzzles me is, why, not so long ago, were the Church of England publicly making a fuss and making people think they were supporting Labour and trying to out the Conservatives?
And then all of a sudden the Church Times were gushing about how 'The CofE and the Conservatives are natural partners?

Really odd.
If the CofE lose the protection they get from Pickles who shows what Christianity is not, while claiming to hate atheists, and Theresa May, the Vicar's daughter who allows Butler to interfere in the National CSA inquiry to protect the church, and others, then they will be worse off. Not to mention Cameron claiming to be a Christian.

The Church are as self-interested as usual, they couldn't care less that the conservative government have killed and are killing people with a harsh and unjust benefits system. I was brought up conservative to the death, but there is no way I can uphold a party that kills people because they are not fit to work, that kind of regime belongs in the dark ages.
So I am not the slightest bit surprised that the Church of England support the conservatives and swing votes for them.

Tuesday, 28 April 2015

A succinct Statement

After several years of huge and horrendous mess in the press, complaints, legal action and cover-ups, the privately educated old boys, Sir Mark Hedley, Sir McFarlane, and unSir Carew-Huges, fail to see what all the fuss is about, ahh the benefits of private education and comfortable lives! Of course they can't see what the poor old Bishop of Winchester has done wrong!
Of course a million pounds of the church's money wasted on a whitewash and a conflicted report that breach the data protection act, cover up for wrong doing and exclude the voice of the alledged complainant while leaving her defamed and open to smears and hatred and violations of her personal life are OK by the honorable McFarlane, Hedley and Hughes-Carew! As are the Bishop of Winchester's lies and misleading of the press.
 And his failure to discipline his safeguarding director for serious misconduct and allowing her to be involved and influence a matter in which she was conflicted, had a need to cover up for herself and acted illegally while doing so.
Because how can wealthy, narrow old men do anything but close ranks and protect their own kind against a poor and vulnerable person, who they cannot, from their backgrounds, possibly understand?!

Can I have comments and feedback from the general public and human rights activists on whether or not this is a succinct statement please?

Jersey s corrupt dream team make the National press

SOJP,  Heather Steel and associated corrupt individuals.

Saturday, 18 April 2015

An open letter to Bishop Paul Butler

What Butler fails to recognize in all his loud empty noise is that while the Cofe is the playground of old freemasons with a lot of money, and closing ranks occurs, he may as well just send out open invites to paedophiles rather than wasting his noisebox on safeguarding pretences. 

Dear Bishop Butler,

Following my phone calls, I thought I would write to make sure that you understand fully how much distress you are causing by your lies about safeguarding.

While the situation remains that you are protecting and supporting my abuser, Jane Fisher to remain in safeguarding positions in the church, as well as remaining a church reader, after her misconduct, which even her whitewash cover-up, the Korris report, cannot completely cover up, and while complaints against her have been made to the police and safeguarding bodies as a result of her continuing to harass me, and while she has caused other safeguarding failures even while stitching me up, and while the Church have been notified very clearly that the Korris report was an invalid report and the Steel report is a conflicted whitewash that is leaving me in fear of my life but no redaction or apology has been made, you need to stop lying to the press and media about the Church of England's commitment to safeguarding, and actually take action regarding the Diocese of Winchester. You need to stop misusing the word 'independent' and you need to ensure an independent report by non-conflicted people who have no connection to the Church of England, a report that includes me this time, unlike your other whitewashes that are not credible as they have not been independent and have omitted me and vilified me to the general public and been illegal and a breach of the data protection act.

The church have had me branded, imprisoned, destroyed, left homeless, and their answer to all that was to publicly vilify me internationally in the press as a PR stunt, with no thought for my welfare and safety whatsoever. So I think your crowing and strutting in the press should stop now, until you have apologized, redacted the defamation of me, and recompensed me, although no recompense in the world will take away what you have done to me.

Can you explain how you consider that things have changed in the church when there has been no true investigation into what happened to me, but a huge amount of PR showing off,  lies and slander and defamation and illegal activities with regards confidential information and breaches of the data protection act.
Can you explain what has changed in safeguarding when in 2013 I was destroyed by the lies and whitewashes launched into the press and there has as yet been no apology and no redaction, and instead I am living in fear of the report engineered by the Jersey Deanery?

Can you explain why, if you and the church are committed to safeguarding, why Bishop Dakin and Jane Fisher. the perpatrators of this massive attack on a vulnerable adult, nearly killing her, and putting her in danger of attacks with no defence due to the police record and slander of her, are still in their positions? don't you think you should take time out from lying in the press in order to deal with this?
Do you think leaving someone branded, shamed, ruined and broken and waiting to be killed by another round of defamation and lies in the press and internationally is good safeguarding? If that is your understanding of safeguarding then it is time for you to resign./
treat me as a human being, and you and your colleagues act as if I simply 'deserve this ongoing destroyal, then you shouldn't be in your job.
It is time that a major outside investigation got past your lies and flannel and misleading of the public and press and shone a light onto the rotten old Church of England system of duplicity and cover up.

I would like to know how, if Jane Fisher had been successful in killing me as she nearly did, the Church’s so-called safeguarding reports years later would have made any difference, with me dead and totally out of the picture, as opposed to how things are now,m me alive but destroyed and still challenging this evil of being left defamed and destroyed while my abusers remain in church positions, protected and upheld by the church, and in the case of one of them, still accessing vulnerable individuals from Jersey’s town church, where he is upheld and supported by the same group of States-judiciary-church-lawyers who ensured that the Dean of Jersey was cleared.
Can you explain why you and the other Church officers and Bishops have not responded to me in any way or form about the whole situation of the way the church have repeatedly and lastingly destroyed me, gone on harassing me and vilifying me and giving their blessing to those who also harass me, for example, you taking part in a church times article that vilified me and very deliberately upheld my abuser?
And worse.

Until you have answers and until you stop treating me as if ‘I deserve to wait to be destroyed by a conflicted whitewash’ because ‘from what you have heard’ from people who vilify me to cover up for themselves, then you have absolutely no understanding of what abuse victims go through and absolutely no right to talk about safeguarding, because in upholding Fisher, Dakin, Key and others, you completely invalidate your position and the words you speak.

Please stop spitting on Jesus by your nonsense in the press and refusal to safeguard me or deal with the Diocese of Winchester’s harassment of me.

The Church’s continued silence on this matter and allowing me to continue to suffer the shock and distress of press releases that defame me and clear wrongdoers while I wait to be destroyed by the Steel whitewash is a very very serious safeguarding issue and shows your complete and utter contempt for safeguarding, integrity and an abuse survivor who you have branded and crucified just as your predecessors, the Pharisees did to Jesus. As long as this matter goes on, the Church of England has no place in society and is breaching the trade descriptions act by claiming to be a Christian church. Or don’t you bother to claim that any more, is it just known as ‘extra socials outside of the lodge?’

On the subject of Steel, are you the conflicted so-called 'safeguarding expert' viewing the Steel report? And if so, are you aware that you are conflicted by your support of Fisher and your support of the Diocese and Deanery in destroying me? And if so, as you are not independent and have not asked for my side of things and have not ensured that I am included in any reports, and thus you have profoundly failed in safeguarding, isn't it time you shredded the whitewash reports and resigned? Also, you need to declare, if you are in any way involved, that you were Bishop of Southampton, and knew the Montagues and I met you with them, that day when Juliet got Fred to drive me to SOuthampton? If you are involved in Safeguarding then you will be aware that the hundreds upon hundreds of omissions and distortions invalidate the reports by the Diocese of WInchester and are very very bad safeguarding to say the least!

Please read the series of letters after my signature, and if you do not like clicking on links, then go to and go to the ‘Philosophy’ section and you will find the letters there, hopefully including this one.



Wednesday, 15 April 2015

Second Letter of Questions for the Dioceses of Winchester and Canterbury

Dear Dioceses of Winchester and Canterbury,

As yet I have not had a reply to the first letter of questions, which I sent directly to you, but that is pretty typical. You have made me an object to scapegoat, and in Church of England style, you have failed to realise that I am a real human being with feelings and a life. I gather that if there is no money and no status, the Church cannot view a person as a human being.

Let's launch into the questions. Which of course are exhaustive and so I am doing these letters at the same time as music theory revision. This matter is of a major scale in my life.

1. Can you explain the conflict of interests where Dame Steel represented the Jersey Deanery against you for your misconduct? If she was supposed to be investigating FOR you, how could she investigate YOU on behalf of the people she was supposed to be investigating? See this link:

1a) Can you also state your knowledge that your advert for witnesses would bring forward those hand picked by the Bailhache-Willing-Birt_Falle Town Church-States-Judiciary-Lawyer-Freemason clique, and that genuine witnesses to my side of things would be warned off or feel intimidated, as evidenced on the comments on Bob Hill's blog?
 Considering the Jersey dynamics, for example my abuser having relatives in all areas of the island, some, such as his brother, with very poweful influence, and the friends of the abuser's family, the friends of the Dean, friends of those in the clique mentioned above, many throughout the island, would far far outweigh those few who knew me or knew things were wrong, and those who did or do, have not been brave enough to speak up, so do you think you got a valid and impartial witness circle?
No, because even when I was at St. Andrews Church, being abused, the Churchwarden manipulated the situation to isolate me from others, and to tell them that my distress at being regressed and abused was my disability and not him harming me. So, who do you think the matter would go in favour of???
And what provision did you make for that glaring inbalance?

2. Can you explain why, for this advert, Dame Steel was using a Church of England email address? Which was actually how I contacted her, the fact being that despite her supposedly investigating my case, she had not contacted me, and presumably had no intention of doing so! And when I contacted her to ask her to withdraw as she was conflicted, she didn't withdraw, neither did you withdraw her. Have you explained that in full to people you are excusing yourself to? And have you explained the fact that Steel caused me traumatic stress by contacting the advocate who failed me in Jersey and enabled Bob Key, Jane Fisher and Michael Scott-Joynt to destroy me?

3. Have you explained how Steel was demanding paperwork from my advocate that she didn't need, such as paperwork relating to my deportation and a letter from a friend who the Diocese have since estranged me from (during the time Jane Fisher openly estranged me from all my friends in the Winchester churches in order to cover up for herself and the Bishop). Why did Steel demand that paperwork when she was not even following Korris's reccomendations regarding investigating my imprisonment and deportation?

4. The Bishop, having launched this matter rather thinly concealed as a 'safeguarding investigation into the National Press, took what action about:

a) blatantly untrue material published in the JEP by Teri Bond, a close friend of the Dean's wife, and Philip Bailhache, a Church officer, who sat on the synods with my abusers?

b) blatantly untrue information broadcast on BBC Jersey by Philip Bailhache, Bruce Willing, and Reverend Gavin Ashenden, none of whom had met me or heard my story, and none of whom had any experience of abuse, trauma or vulnerability, and who didn't care, their only interests were in vilifying and discrediting me and upholding the Dean and my abuser?

c) Took what action about sites and media such as 'Clerical Whispers' 'Thinking Anglicans' (The great oxymoron), Premier Christian Radio, Huffington Post, and other sites, defaming me and publishing distressing and misleading comments about me by total strangers who were mislead by the Korris rubbish?

d) About Philip Bailhache abusing his dual roles in Church and States to write a defamatory and misleading 'Open Letter about me, circulating it to citizens of Jersey who didn't know me and were influenced by Philip Bailhache's status in the States, Judiciary and Church, to support Philip Bailhache and the Dean against me?
Further reading of Philip Bailhache's ongoing misconduct on the same theme:

e) On the Same subject, the breaches of the data protection act regarding my case, when Philip Bailhache was flying to and from influencing the Archbishop of Canterbury against me and making him reinstate the Dean?

Further Reading:

5. Why was the Korris report released to the police as fact, without my side of things, and without my consent?

6. Why were 'Further meetings' promised by Gladwin and Daly, at a token meeting that they had with Bob Hill and Myself, and those meetings never occured? Cover-up and excusing cover up?
Church of England broken promises and misleading people? Failure to represent both sides of things.

7. Can the Bishop of Winchester explain the comment about 'called to help the lost, last and least' in his misleading statement to the press in November 2013? In the context of if not being a Biblical reference, and the Bible saying that 'The First Shall be Last and the Last shall be First' ie, fat old men in palaces, who crush the poor and vulnerable, are not going to get into heaven, but those crucified on earth by those fat old men may just get into heaven?! The 'Lost, last and least' statement was ultimate arrogance and is the brand and stamp of the Church of England. And I want an apology for that statement.

8. Regarding Dame Steel's terms of reference, one of the terms is that she can have anyone to assist her. Did you write that term or did she? And are you aware that it allows her to invite 'anyone' including Philip Bailhache, Gavin Ashenden, Ian LeMarquand and anyone else with an interest in protecting the Dean and themselves and other wrongdoers, to assist her, which is what has happened, thus the investigation is invalid.

a) In the context of you claiming in November 2013, that the Steel report could not be published due to a legal bid, would you explain who could have seen the report and made a legal bid?

b)And why I have not seen the report, when it is a conflicted investigation against me?

c)So, who has seen the report when I have not? Why was part of the report's appendix apparently leaked?

d)And how would Philip Bailhache know the cost of the report?

Why if other parties investigated have seen the report in order to make a legal bid, have I not seen it?

f)And how accurate or misleading have the amendments to the report since the legal bid made the report?

g) Seeing as you were about to release it again when I took you to court?

h) Also, if someone else was allowed to view the report and on the grounds of what they read, allowed to make a legal bid to stop the release of the report, considering that it was supposed to be about safeguarding and about me, why was I not allowed to do the same?

i) especially as you have been asked to provide me a copy of this conflicted whitewash report and have not done so!

10. The Bishop of Winchester claims to take safeguarding very seriously, why then has he destroyed me publicly and left me under threat of destroyal for two years, while allowing all wrongdoers in the Jersey Deanery to triumph openly and in the press, while leaving me at risk of my life and receiving hate and threats and defamation?

11. Can the Bishop of Winchester explain exactly how the defamation, threat and misleading of the general public while letting wrongdoers off is condusive to safeguarding?

12. Can the Bishop of Winchester explain why there has been no investigation or action into Jane Fisher's misconduct and instead she has been given time and freedom to ensure cover-up and closed ranks? Can he further explain why, after receiving my complaint and considering that Jane Fisher is a reader as well as a safeguarding director, she has not been been disciplined by the Bishop, but instead allowed to continue to provoke me and act illegally, just as she was in Jersey and Winchester, to my detriment, when she was allowed to have me beaten and imprisoned by police for my reaction, how has anything changed regarding safeguarding, when the Church have simply done the same again as they did to me before, only on a much larger scale? And again with no appropriate action taken?
Can the Bishop also comment on how Jane Fisher has been conflicted in this whole safeguarding association, by her relationship with other wrongdoers and her need to cover up for herself, and why she has been allowed to continue to complicate matters by being involved. A prime example is her illegal liason with Jersey police in November 2013 at the same time as she illegally referred me to the NSPCC. If the Bishop is passionate about safeguarding, and suspended the Dean on that note, why has he allowed Jane Fisher to continue unrestricted? Doesn't that show bias and imbalance, to dangerous levels?

13. a) Why was the Dean cleared BEFORE the visitation was carried out? And as he was cleared publicly by the Bishop,
b) then what was the point of the visitation and why was it carried out? Why was that money wasted?
c) and why did the Bishop and Diocese not bother to communicate with me about the Dean's re-instatement, nor pass on the Dean's 'apology' which was kept on the Church of England's website as a trophy for months, presumably as part of Paul Butler's PR and spin campaign at the expense of Victims?
d)  Is that campaign over or are the Church going to continue to sicken abuse survivors, people who think, and God by continuing with it?

e) Why have I been excluded from e Church all reports when it is supposedly my complaints that the reports are about, Although in reality the reports were or are supposedly part of the CofE's failed PR stunt campaign at the expense of victims, most of whom are voiceless and the Church don't really plan ahead for those of us like me, Eli Ward or Theresa Cooper, who keep speaking up even when you call us mad, bad and all the rest of it.

14. a) Can the Bishop of Winchester explain how he will afford to destroy all other abuse victims the way he destroys me, seeing as, according to Jane Fisher, she gets hundreds of calls per  month about abuse and misconduct in the Church?
b) Can the Bishop explain how she gets hundreds of calls per month about abuse and misconduct, considering how many churches there are in the Diocese? Wouldn't the Bishop consider that there is a root fault with his Diocesan Safeguarding policy or his Safeguarding Director's competency (the latter I know is the case).
c) Can the Bishop expand on how many other cases he has launched into the press as a safeguarding failure in the duplicity campaign before destoying the victim in the press?
d)  Can he explain how many more will be dealt with this way? How many other's so far? Because I have not seen the Diocese publicly destroying anyone else apart from Reverend Hawthorne, where they also tried to use mental illness as an excuse for destroying this person. I have heard from several priests who, when diagnosed with conditions that classified them as vulnerable, they were destroyed by the CofE as Reverend Hawthorne was.
e) Apart from that, how many other failures by Jane Fisher have been atrociously used as PR stunts before destroying the victim publicly as in my case? How many have even been looked at, considering that most cases involving the voiceless vulnerable do not lead to the voiceless vulnerable speaking up until a review was forced, which Jane Fisher hijacked as the Korris report, and it went on from there.
See link:

a) Can the Bishop just clarify something about the Korris report? Written from Jane Fisher's notes, of course it was detrimental to me and covered up for others, but at one point it inaccurately describes what seems to be a mishmash of early abuse that I suffered at the hands of the Diocese of Winchester, but it claims that I 'first came to the Diocese's attention when I was 19 years old' presumably it is talking about my being taken in by JM and abused by FM.
b) Could the Diocese explain then, why if I came to their attention aged 19, I was taken to live at the rectory aged 20, was not removed from the rectory by the Diocese when I was being abused aged 20, but removed myself when JM's mother went mad and blamed me for being abused.

 And yet, JM set up situations AFTER I left the rectory aged 20 where FM could abuse me, and not once did the Diocese contact me, as JM blamed me for the abuse, told me I led her husband on, which fortunately my counsellor told me was an invalid excuse, and not once did the Diocese contact me, ask me for my story, or prevent abuse as my friendship with JM continued from age 19 to age 27 when the Diocese allowed the churchwarden and Dean in Jersey to take that abuse by FM and rope JM in to accuse me of being a serial accuser.

further questions: a) Why if the Diocese knew about me from age 19, did they allow JM to move me to the rectory and get housing benefit and social services money for looking after me?

b) Why did they allow her to take me to New Zealand for three weeks, and why, if I was a serial troublemaker did she take me with her accross the world for three weeks?

c) Is the Diocese aware or were they, that when she decided to take me, I was not on speaking terms with her because she blamed me for abuse, and when she spoke of New Zealand I made her come round and talk about FM abusing me, and try to get her to stop blaming me, and she didn't stop blaming me?
d) And so the New Zealand trip was a disaster, and I went because she had said she would pay in full for me and I was hardly earning enough money for food at the time? I was not using her but decided, or hoped, that her suggestion that an all expenses paid trip would be good for me was right.
e) Can the Diocese explain why, if they became aware of me when I was 19, they allowed JM to breach her counselling boundaries and take me home as a replacement for her step-daughter, and then, even up to my time in Jersey, she would have me to stay over at the Rectory, as a friend?
f) Can the Diocese explain why, if they were aware of me, they allowed JM to breach Church of England safeguarding policy and professional boundaries, resulting in the damage that FM's temper and abuse did to me psychologically as well as JM unethical approach to things,, and then allow JM to join forces with the Dean and the churchwarden to harm me?
g) Why the fact that her husband's abuse of me came out in the open in Jersey as a result of the abuse there and the churchwarden knowing about he husband's abuse because he made me talk about abuse, and thus using it to reel JM in to support his case?
h) and what about Jane Fisher actually backing up this defamation of me, and allowing the Lihous to be added to it via Phil Warren, their son in law, clerk to the Jersey Deanery, so that the Dean and churchwarden could make me out to be a serial troublemaker and Jane Fisher aiding this and furthering it to Lou Scott-Joynt and the Deanery of Jersey?
i) why is there no accurate record and Jane Fisher refused to investigate and blamed me and got Tracy LeCoutuer, my former friend who Jane Fisher estranged me from to blame me, for that evening when Lou Scott-Joynt made it clear that the Dean was not going to be dealt with and I was considered to blame, why there is no accurate record of the Dean calling me a liar about the abuse and calling me a serial troublemaker and citing JM and FM and the Lihous as grounds for that, and then lying to the police and court that I came to his house shouting and swearing when I didn't? Why did Jane Fisher refuse to engage with that situation in any way and try to blame me, it makes a mockery of the supposed investigation into the Dean when Fisher was aiding and abetting his actions at all times.

j) Where is the explanation of the Diocese knowing I was vulnerable and being abused since age 19 and nothing being done about it? No investigation, no protection of me?
Because the Korris report claims it is fact that the Diocese knew about me, knew there was abuse, and there is a claim about me abusing people's good nature but no explanation of anything being done by the Diocese or my side of things, and yet this report was released to the police and general public as fact, without the points I have made here, which are just a very small selection of points indeed.

Reading the above paragraph, can you imagine the damage this all did to me and as the description is only the tip of the iceberg, can you imagine how damaged I was when I arrived in Jersey, having been sexually and emotionally abused in the Church of England from the age of 19, and previously abused in every way up to the age of 17? Leaving me admittedly volatile but also open to abuse and to blame as a result of my psychological state.
And can you see how the closed ranks and internal wrongdoing and covering up for each other in the church is not condusive to safeguarding, especially when the Diocesan safeguarding officer is in the thick of it and cannot safeguard against bad practice that she approves of, upholds and takes part in?

15. a) When the Bishop of Winchester finally releases his rather worthless million pound report, will he announce the conflicts of interest? Those names in the previous letter and the full range of those not mentioned?
b) Will he also announce the illegal actions and data protection breaches that produced the report, will he announce why I am not included either in the Steel report or the Korris report when they are supposedly about my case? The real reasons, not the made up ones.
The real reasons being that although the Bishop illegally and harmfully had me traced by police after publishing the Korris report, he did not have me contacted to include me in it and had no intention of doing so, and having had me traced, he then didn't interview me or include my amendments, even though they were sent to him, those that I did before that dreadful unprofessional report made me too ill.
As for the Steel report, Steel was conflicted, and I asked her to withdraw, sparking lies from media and press who should have known better, such as 'Premier Christian Radio' and the Church (Times) Rag.
Steel made it very clear who's side she was on and tried to lie to Bob Hill about her connection with Bailhache, Birt and others.
So, as yet, over two years later, the Bishop has wasted estimated over a million pounds on whitewash cover-ups, when is he going to do an investigation and report into my complaints?

16. Back to Korris claiming that the Jersey Deanery denied shunning me, well, considering that they had been told by the Dean not to co-operate with the report, and considering that no-one in their right mind would actually admit to wrongdoing for a report like that, why was Korris simply allowed to coninue Jane Fisher's spiel about me being paranoid? How is it safeguarding to repeat, magnify and publicise lies about me and deny my experiences?

17. Did Bishop Dakin's grandchildren write the Steel report terms of reference for fun? What does the rigmarole and nonsense about publishing and redacting even mean?

18. Does the Bishop of Winchester understand that due to the lack of independence and professionalism of the safeguarding investigations and the failure to include the person the reports were supposedly about, and the Church's obvious lack of understanding of what independent means, and due to the huge amount of money wasted on this matter, the Diocese of Winchester needs to be audited and investigated from outside of the Church of England, otherwise they have no credibility whatsoever. The Bishop also needs to arrange an independent investigation into my complaints.

19. Does the Bishop of Winchester want to explain why he 'tried to arrange help for me' in order to do a press release;
 when he had been made aware by me for months before the press release, that he was disrupting my therapy and support and making both impossible, and yet he allowed Jane Fisher, who was under a formal complaint, to illegally refer me to an agency not qualified to help me, the NSPCC, without my consent, and cause me massive shock and disruption.
Just so the Bishop could try to close the mattter down and mislead the general public through the press to make them think he had done his job.
Can the Bishop please explain why he did this in full knowledge of what he was doing?
Can he explain why he has not apologized for doing these things? And can he explain his understanding of the damage to me that the collective events of November 2013 did, and how he potentially put my life in danger by destroying me as he did at that time, see link:

20. Can the Bishop explain how any safeguarding benefits have come out of this messed up farce, that is unrepeatable due to cost anyway, and which has shown at every stage that the Church have no understanding or concern for safeguarding, vulnerability or the safety or welfare or inclusion of vulnerable groups.
 Reference back to my last letter of questions, what has the Bishop done about criminally ignorant attitudes and views of his clergy and church officers in Jersey such as Gavin Ashenden, Bruce Willings and Philip Bailhache?
And at what point has the Bishop answered the press smear campaign by explaining that Philip Bailhache is conflicted by dual States and Church roles and has asscoiation with my abusers? And on the subject, when has he enlightened the general public through the press, as to who is who in this matter, including Bishop Willmott's conflicts of interest? Because all I have heard is the Bishop either glorifying or justifying his or the Diocese's actions, and the same with the Archbishop.

21. Does the Bishop understand that a court of law or an outside investigation needs to ask these questions that I have asked, and more, and my questions are exhaustive?

22. Would the Bishop like to explain the biased media reporting? Is that a paid-for thing? Is it included in the inquiry costs? Does the Bishop know of the conflicts of interests in the press, for example the Jersey Evening Post is overseen by my abuser's brother, and the libel and defamation unchecked in the JEP is noticable and has been recorded, and there are more conflicts of interest there that I am not yet naming?

23. Do the Dioceses understand that vilifying someone without allowing them a voice to defend themselves is illegal and nothing to do with safeguarding?

24. Can the Bishop explain why he illegally had me traced and then threatened me and caused me a collapse? Threatened me for contacting him about the very issues I now write down in these letters?! Did the Bishop of Winchester threaten his church officers, Philip Bailhache, Bruce Willings and others? Did he threaten Gavin Ashenden or the Dean? Well, yes he threatened the Dean, in the leaked letter from the Steel report, he told the Dean to break Jersey law in order to obey the Bishop. No wonder the Birt-Bailhache-Falle clique of the Town Church, States and Judiciary were furious when one of their own, Dame Steel recorded that!

25. Could it be, in light of question 24.  that the 'Legal bid over the Steel report' on November 2013, was thus the Bishop trying to save his own skin?

26. What investigatory action did the Bishop take in light of Bob Hill and my and other people's concerns about Dame Steel being conflicted, and where is the paperwork and report on this? And can the Bishop of Winchester please send this to me and Bob?

27. Considering that the Steel and other reports were supposed to be to construe good safeguarding, why am I having to live in fear and in hiding, publicly destroyed for no apparent reason and still being harmed by press releases? While nothing has been done about safeguarding in the Jersey churches, as is obvious from Ashenden and Bailhache's continued behaviours?

28. Can the Bishop talk about his lies to a court of law in context of Christianity?

29. Can the Bishop explain how giving the Deanery of Jersey centre stage and encouragement to behave in an unChristian manner has affected the Church and attendence, faith in the Church and inclusion or encouragement of vulnerable people to attend the Church? Examples including, blatant lies in the press, such as Bruce Willing claiming I was making complaints to get compensation, Philip Bailhache untruthfully claiming I had made previous complaints, two in Winchester and one in Guernsey, proven unfounded of course!
And currently Bailhache continuing to attack other abuse victims despite his church status, while Ashenden is using his JEP column to harm vulnerable and ethnic groups, and has used the Church Times to mislead people and defame me, for example trying to discredit me on grounds of mental illness, failing to mention to a largely ignorant and middle class clergy readership, that mentally ill people are not automatically liars and are the most vulnerable to abuse.
Also, someone needs to instruct Bruce Willings that terminology such as 'That poor unfortunate woman' used in a condescending tone, may have been appropriate for several hundred years ago, but not for the present day and age. See link:

30. In light of Question 29, what is the Bishop doing to educate these clergy and church officers both on vulnerability and safeguarding and also on how wrong their behaviour is. In the context that the Bishop and his safeguarding officer and Diocese's behaviour is no better because they are no less ignorant. Who is going to deal with this safeguarding failure through ignorance? And when is the Bishop going to bring this damaging public behaviour by his clergy and church officers to an end?

31 Which does the Bishop consider worse, well-off men who have never experienced abuse or protect abusers, abusing their power while calling themselves Christians, to destroy a lone vulnerable female?
 Or a female with autism, learning difficulties and profound trauma, who has been regressed by her abuser, to childhood when her first childhood was profoundly damaging, going mad with distress when she is dumped by her abuser, left still regressed, after being told by her abuser's wife thoughout the time she had known them, that she was of a lower class and thus not welcome and shameful, then reporting the abuse, and seeing her abuser get off laughing and slandering her through the closed island church community, while she is beaten by police and flung in a cell for reporting someone well conected, and then after years of abusive childhood and damage by the elitist abusive church of England, she goes mad.

Which is worse? Well, according to the Bishop and Diocese of Winchester, the second one is worst, which is why they have had me beaten, branded and ruined for life with a criminal record, whitewashed investigtions, enforced the branding of me, and left my abuser and his wife central to the town church and still taking visiting women home in positions of trust.

It makes all this noise about safeguarding and caring for the vulnerable worthless. So the CofE should sack spin doctor and PR stuntman Paul Butler, (a colleague of Jane Fisher from his time as Bishop of SOuthampton) and instead employ someone who will deal with safeguarding. Only the Church will never dare to do that, the liability they would have to take if they suddenly became honest, would financially ruin the church, which is what all this spin and flannel in the press is really about, and the toadying of the National CSA Inquiry, it is all to prevent that liability and make the church look squeaky clean.

At my expense, in Jersey.

As yet, the Bishop has failed to answer these questions in these letters, and in 2013 he acknowledged an email of questions, but never answered them, he has not produced a press release or statement as he usually does in response to the Jersey Deanery's questions. Again he considers his image in Jersey and the Diocese and Press and world more important than answering the human being he has ruthlessly destroyed, failing while he has done so, to comprehend any of Jesus teachings and thus invalidating the Diocese and Church as Christian organizations.

As you will see, these letters ask questions and highlight the ways in which the reports and investigations are invalid, they do not tell my story, because as yet, the Diocese of Winchester, the Diocese of Canterbury, the Deanery of Jersey and the Church of England and the press, have showed no interest in my side of things, so this is not the time or the place.

The Bishop can only publish his report if the full details of conflicts of interest, dishonesty and illegal activity used to make up the report are published with it. This is not permission to publish the report, as it is a deliberate safeguarding failure and conflict of interests.
The Bishop does not and will never have, permission to publish the Steel report, as he knowingly allowed not a safeguarding report, but a character assassination, with a bit of safeguarding thrown in for credibility and to earn the undoubtedly big fee offered to Dame Steel.