Welcome to the Anything and Everything Jersey and Winchester abuse case blog.

Please scroll past these initial links to get to the main blog or the post you have come to read.

This is a statement from last summer:

Here is a link to the four great letters:

Here is a collection of Open Letters:

Here is my psychological report from last year:

This is my Daily Blog running from October 2011 until now:

These are other people's blogs on my case:



The blog itself is quite broken up, not written in an ordered fashion, a bit mixed up, like I am, talking about Jersey, the Diocese and my life.

Thank you for reading my blog, please persevere if it is at a bitty phase, go back and find what you are looking for in older posts, use the search button, or look at the favourite posts and links in the side bars.

The blog is heavy, I know, but the case is complex and the reality is that it has always been beyond me to get past the trauma and tell my story, so I am doing my best, in bits, to do so, as well as sharing related articles and links.


  • I was abused in the Church of England as a vulnerable adult aged 19.
  • I was abused by the husband of a vicar who was also my counsellor, this vicar took me home as a replacement for her stepdaughter who her husband, the girl's father, had abused and abandoned.
  • I was further abused by another church officer.
  • The church tried to close my complaints down, refused to deal with them and left both abusers and those who stood up for them in church positions.
  • The church got me a criminal record for speaking up, they claimed I was harassing them.
  • I had never been in police trouble before, but as a result, I lost my home and job, and was left on the streets, injured by the police and severely traumatized.

  • Last year, years too late and the other side of me being destroyed, and while I was still homeless and destitute, the church launched on me in the National press, claiming to apologize.
  • They also launched in the press, a 'report' into what had happened. This report was hideously inaccurate although it did show how members of church had abused process in not dealing with my complaint.
  • The report, although not naming me, made it quite easy for me to be identified, I was one of very few autistic 33 year old women in the UK on the streets, and enough people who I met and was looked after by, knew who the report was about, and I lost friends and was shunned as a result.
  • I also had strangers condemning and maligning me, it was heartbreaking.
  • Then a church officer associated with my abuser, also in government, released my name and breached the data protection act.

  • As a result of the Press reports and the report released, an all-out war broke out between the Diocese and Deanery involved, with me caught in the middle, I was slandered, I was smeared, I was condemned.
  • The Church offered no help and I became ill as each new inaccurate report and cover up came out, each new damnation of me.
  • New investigations were comissioned, and one was blatantly conflicted, to be carried out by a member of the group who supported the wrongdoers.
  • I have been excluded from all reports, which, to save the church, are whitewashes which cover up the original admissions of wrongdoing.
  • The church have treated me coldly, threatened me, despite them having me illegally traced by police, and have not helped me, instead they made illegal referrals of me to what they called help, without my consent and without checking it would help or what I wanted.
  • I have pleaded with them to stop the harm to me, but to no avail, and I am living in fear, severely traumatized and knowing I cannot withstand the damning press reports and whitewashes forever.

Wednesday, 29 July 2015

SOJP and my friend Buster Few-Miffs

I have heard so many lies and accusations about this that it has been on my mind to speak, I was under the full force of the Jane Fisher-Tim Dakin-Bob Hill and Julie Wallman attack when SOJP pretended they wanted to investigate the churchwarden again and after the horrific way they have treated me and the respect with which they treated my abuser, I wrote this:

sojp abuse victim bashing scheme

*********** *******


to d.mcgee

Dear Mr mcGee,

I believe you emailed me, I am not sure if you are even a real officer.

Your email was titled 'States of Jersey Police investigation' or similar.

As usual the police have completely ignored or overriden the fact that I have said not to contact me and that, if you are referring to *****, there is no inquiry.

You will be welcome to contact me about anything as soon as Dame Steel is withdrawn from harming me and as soon as it is published just what records of mine she and Philip Bailhache and others have been able to access illegally and despite me forbidding such access in Steels case. Especially as my records with your force are proven inaccurate and I have been brutalized by your officers repeatedly.

Until then, don't contact me, and remember, you know and I know that there isn't a just or fair judge in Jersey and that a reopening of the ***** case, as I presume that is what you are making contact about, would simply be an exercise in clearing him through a judicial system that offers no justice nor impartiality. There is no reason to drag me into this, and your force destroyed me for ***** and his friends, so your contact with me is traumatic and absolutely unnecessary.

I am allowed, if you try to force me to give evidence in your exercise in clearing an old boy, to produce a letter which says I am not fit to give evidence, which is the truth, I am deeply traumatized and this whole charade by dame steel and aggressive destroyal of me by the diocese of Winchester on top of what they have done previously, means that I am in a very distressed state and not fit to be dragged into court again as witness or as a scapegoat as I was previously.

Basically, why bring me into this at all? you can clear ***** for Bailhache and the rest without me being contacted or involved.

I never opened your email, I fished it out of spam, put it in the police complaint file and used the hover to get your email address.

The way the diocese have launched aggressively back into my life and used the police to harm me again is terrible, for me, the damage is done and some of it will never heal, but I have moved on and you and the diocese are dragging me back into this, even though Jane Fisher, who destroyed me used whine on and on and on about things being in the past to try to shut me up.



Sunday, 26 July 2015

10th Interview with HG

Interview from Jersey (anyone is welcome to send me interview questions):

1. Do you every go to rock pools and try and see the sea creatures?

I used to, we don't have rock pools on the bay but nearby bays do, I used to do low water fishing in Jersey and we used to find all sorts of sea creatures.

2. What sea creatures have you seen in rock pools or the sea? Did you keep any for a while in a bucket or jar? 
Yes I have kept sea creatures in a jars and buckets, blenny, razor fish, star fish, all sorts of stuff.

3. Have you visited an aquarium? What fish did you see there?
Yes I have visited various aquariums and seen rays, seahorses, starfish -which we were allowed to handle, all sorts of things, sharks, pretty fish all sorts. I was even offered a job at seaworld but the pay was bad.

4. What's the oddest fish you have ever seen?
The barrel Jellyfish we have had washed up here.

5. Have you seen jellyfish? Where?
Yes, here and at grev d' lecq, I remember everyone exiting the water at Grev when the jellyfish sailed into town! :) we have had barrel jellyfish here the last few summers.

6. What kinds of boats do you like to sail in?
All sorts! I love sailing, I have just been offered a sail for Cowes Week, the biggest international sailing convention, but I am going to turn it down as my rehabilitation is still in progress and I am not ready to sail this year, certainly not dinghys anyway, although I have been on the boats a bit, mainly doing work but not sailing.

7. Do you get seasick?
Not really, I got seasick one time on a yacht between Jersey and France but I think I was ill anyway, I used to see everyone getting sick on ferries between England and the Channel Island in rough weather but I was never sick.

8. Do you swim underwater?
I can but due to my health at the moment I don't tend to.

9. What is the longest you have ever swum?
Good question, due to asthma I don't swim for long ever, I do about 20-30 lengths in the pool but my sea swims are not long or I get too tired and can get ill.  I love swimming.

10. Do you like low tide or high tide best?
I like high tide as it is easier for a swim and wave jumping and keeping an eye on my bike and clothes, , but my friends prefer low tide for some reason. I like the tide right up to the wall, but the others like to walk down the hard sand to swim.

11. Have you walked to Elizabeth Castle?
Yes, many times, I had fun with the interactive history out there and I used to threaten to go and live in the hermatige often too. Who was the guy who used to live out there as caretaker and get drunk and have mishaps with his rowing boat? Haha, didn't he have to be rescued at some point? :) I think they rescued many packs of beer off his boat but couldn't find him for a while? :) He was quite popular. And no, it wasn't St. Helier Himself! 

12. Have you walked or swam around or to Green Island?
Oh yes, we used to picnic there at the weekend, I loved Green Island because the beach on the other side was like an empty paradise beach, oh those were the days, it was such fun.  Yes I swum off there many times and the rocks and waters round there were very interesting. I remember it getting hard to park at green island for some reason though.
You are making me long for those old days of green island and low water fishing and picnics! :) For some reason I don't do all that stuff any more  but I am still going through rehabilitation and it takes so much of my time!

Thank you for interviewing me.

He's his own biggest fan, Ashenden, Ashenden...

He is one in a million.
And apparently he is causing offence to non-brainwashed people again:

And someone video'd worship in the Jersey cult churches one day:

Gavin Ashenden's finest preaching:

Friday, 24 July 2015

Another former Queen's chaplain jailed for abuse

I may be wrong but I am pretty sure this is the second one recently?

What strikes me here is Paul Butler isn't frothing emptily about sorrow, grief and all the other emotions that fat old men in palaces are not capable of feeling.


By the way, did you spot what Diocese this was in? :)

Monday, 20 July 2015

9th Interview with HG

Good evening, this interview has arrived in response to my new car arriving: 


1. When did you learn to ride a bicycle? What make if you remember?I was 7 years  old when I learned to ride a bike, my brothers and sisters even those younger than me, had already learned but I struggled to learn, an early sign of my learning and motor problems that went unnoticed.

The bike was a yellow 'Boxer Bike' which I loved but my mum threw it away in a fit of madness, such as were not uncommon.

2. When did you learn to drive a car?

This is a tricky one, I struggled for years to learn to drive, from age 17, but I was terrified of the instructors, who were still almost all male even then, but I learned to drive after having a motor bike for two years and gaining confidence on the roads before buying my landlord's old car from him and he taught me to drive it as I had no fear of him. I passed my test in 2004 in that car and was confident driving it straight away.

3. Where was it that you learnt to drive?

I can't print that on here.

4. Did you have a lot of lessons?

yes, as explained above.

5. What was your first car?

A Peuguot 205, it was a great car and I loved it, the fuel pump went after a year and it wasn't cost effective to repair it.

6. What is your favourite car?

Peugeot 106 or 206, no other cars need apply. I do not need a big car or a flash car, just a car that is reliable and drives well and I prefer small cars, after all, I don't need a big car.

7. Would you like a Herbie car (Walt Disney Volkswagen)?

Well, I have a bike with a life and character of it's own,  I think a car like that would be terrifying, no, actually I don't think I would want a Herbie car, although I enjoy the films.

8. What's the biggest car you have ever driven?

To be honest, I don't recall ever driving a big car.  I have driven tractors that are huge but my cars have always been small, I drove a Peuguot 306 once, what a heavy lump of a car! 

9. What's your favourite speed (if a straight road) - 30 mph, 40 mph, 50 mph (if allowed) or higher?

In the past I loved fast driving, and motorways, but I have grown up now, and as you (the interviewer) are probably aware, I live in a country area where there is not a lot of fast driving and I am very content with 30 or 40 now I am back on the road.

10. Do you give your cars a name (like Herbie!)

Yes, I cannot recall the first car's name, or the second one, the third one was my beloved Anna, who perished in Jersey, then there was Warrior, who perished because the Diocese of Winchester hounded me from my home in the summer of 2010, leading to the money saved for the car repair to be spent on fleeing, and that isn't in the Korris report! My new car does have a name, carried over from the previous owners who have just sold it to me, but due to identity and location, the  name cannot be published here.

Thank you for interviewing me.

Wednesday, 15 July 2015

The Jersey Deanery said...

'Welcome to The cruel See!'

Tweedle Dumb

and Tweedle Dean
resolved to have a battle

For Tweedle dumb said Tweedle Dean,
was full of bullshit prattle

Just then flew by a monsterous crow 
As black as a tar barrel

that frightened both these idiots so
they sulked instead of quarrelled.

Where do the Diocese send finished Clergy?
and why do we avoid Chichester?
Nutters on mobility scooters knocking pedestrians of pavements and looking for their lost dog collars! 

A shiver ran round the General Synod, looking for a spine to run down! 

see 2

1. The official seat, center of authority, jurisdiction, or office of a bishop.
2. Obsolete A cathedra.

[Middle English, from Old French sefrom Vulgar Latin *sedemfrom Latin sēdēsseatsee sed- in Indo-European roots.]
American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fifth Edition. Copyright © 2011 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, 7 July 2015

close to home...

...Jersey police haven't changed.
And let me whisper this...OBVIOUSLY THE CHURCH HAVEN'T EITHER!
If I wasn't supposed to let that slip, please excuse me.
This blog shows how the police still treat abuse and rape survivors in Jersey, all these years after they destroyed me:

Horrifying memories of how the police let my abuser walk free to tell the whole church community that he had been cleared, and captured and beat and criminalized me while backing the abuser up.
Yes, this story isn't in any whitewash church report.

Friday, 26 June 2015

'There's something wrong with my microphone' said the Vicar...

... 'And also with you!' replied the congregation.

This limerick was blatantly pinched, stolen and nicked from the rightful author, as you can see, I am not bright enough to write something like this, as Peter Ould will confirm. Has Ould been canonised yet? Usually the Church of England promote and canonize any clergy who behave badly.

There once was a Dean called Key
Who broke away from a Bishop’s See
He fell out over Bishop Dakin
Over the fuss he was makin’
And went over to Canterbury
There was a Vicar called Ashenden
Who always said he was the Queen’s Chaplain
We are not amused, said the Queen
Either by him or Jersey’s Dean
But we’ll say nothing except Amen

The only reason the Church of England are managing to survive in the mess they are is because of the sheep mentality.

7th Interview with HG

1. Do you like having your photograph taken? Why? Or why not?
No, not really, but on the other hand I don't mind it terribly. My adoptive mum and friends seem to like photos and things, and my Mum once took one of my photo collages to a fellowship meeting to show it off to everyone there, photos of my life, there aren't that many but I guess photos are a good way of remembering good times.

2. Do you like taking photographs? What are your favourite scenes?

Yes, I am a keen photographer, I like to do landscapes, seascapes, wildlife and animals, trains and events.
3. Photographs: do you like scenes or photos of people most, or both? Why?

Scenes, I am too autistic to look at pictures of people much, and I like to see different scenes and landscapes, however, I am quite happy to get photos from my penpals of themselves so I know what they look like.
4. Do you paint or draw? What do you paint or draw?

I don't really paint or draw, for the last 15 years or so, people have tried to get me to paint and draw because a common perception is that it is 'therapeutic' I am not artistic in the painting and drawing way and I get bored and fed up with being encouraged to draw and paint. After my unhappy art classes last year, I refuse to paint or draw.
5. Do you write poetry or short prose? Which do you prefer?

I guess what I write would loosely be described as prose, more often described as rubbish, a bit like rappers just simply  describing life situations while some people say that isn't music, I just write about life and feelings and it isn't really poetry, in 2012, my supporters and I described it as un-poetry as I used it  to help draw me out of the darkness and back into life. It is kind of prose.

6.  Do you know any flower names? Latin names or common names? List a few.

Yes, I had to learn all the ruddy Latin names at college. Verbena bonariensis (my favourite), Fraxinus excelsior, Fraxinus badcanonus, (bahaha), Juniperus horizontalis, etc etc.

7. What is your favourite domestic flower?

Verbena bonariensis
8. What is your favourite wild flower?

Bluebell (English not the invading overseas ones)

8. Do you keep flowers or grow flowers? If you don’t but could, would you, and what would you have?

Complex question.We have a lovely garden where I live, but although I do some work in it, I do not actively grow plants, not this year anyway. I am too busy building up a business and preparing for university.
Yes, I would love to have greenhouses and grow plants again, and maybe next year I will.
I would grow fuschias and Pelargoniums if I could. I am a gardener so I work with plants a lot, but just this year, only just back in work, I don't have the time or facilities to grow plants this year.

9.  Have you been swimming this year? Was it cold?
If you mean sea swimming, yes, I swam for the first time this year a few weeks ago and it was cold., and I swam yesterday and it was warm.
I swim in the pool all year round and it is kind of tepid.

Wednesday, 17 June 2015

Sixth Interview with HG

Despite being far from home on holiday, I have more interview questions to answer:

1. Sea or Pool? I know you like swimming, but which do you prefer? The open sea at a beach or an indoor pool? Why?

Sea, although it is difficult to get a regular swim due to the weather. Our local pool is small and gets clogged with old ladies who stand in the lanes and chat during the morning swimming sessions, how annoying. I have just started sea swimming for the year but will still pool swim along with my gym sessions. The good thing about the beach is there is always room, we have miles of sandy beach and it is good to do a quick sunbathe too, I am not a lying on the beach person, nerves and ADHD mean 10 minutes is enough. 
I live a few minutes from the beach, so it is easy to fit in a swim and sunbathe.

  2. Travel – where is the furthest place you have ever travelled to (outside the UK) Have you ever visited Ireland, Scotland, Wales? Where did you go? What was it like?

The furthest place I have travelled is New Zealand, but back then I was unprepared and was with someone who was scornful of my disability and resulting anxiety, so I was under too much stress to fully enjoy it, but it was an interesting experience. 

A note about travel, in the church of england, you get all the wealthy old people who have been everywhere, and because I am disabled and poor, they used to amuse themselves by saying to me 'oh, have you ever been abroad? Where's the furthest you have travelled?' the reply 'New Zealand' tended to shut them up. Haha. 

I have visited Ireland, Scotland and Wales. I absolutely adore Ireland, well who doesn't? I did a train trip across Ireland one time, I lived in Wales and worked on a sheep farm, beautiful mountains but I hated the job, the farmer was a psycho. I like Scotland, the people are friendly and kind like in Ireland and the scenery is lovely too. 

 3. Town or Country – which do you prefer?  Why?

Country, definitely, the peace and quiet and farms, I trained in agriculture and worked on farms, although due to my health, I can't work on farms now. I love open  landscapes, hills and cottage gardens with bird song in the early morning. I do also enjoy towns, I like art and architecture, so towns are a good source of those, I also love museums and local history, call me boring but I find it all fascinating.

 4. Birdsong – can you identify any birds a) by sight b) by song? Which ones.

Yes, I know a number of birds by sight or song, my adoptive parents are bird fanatics and I am learning from them. I know the birds of prey, and some common garden birds. I know a few bird songs, mainly robin and blackbird, of course, the blackbird has such a lovely song during the season.
 5. Summer is coming. Do you like ice cream? Do you have a favourite ice cream?

Yes, I like ice cream, I tend to get my ice cream from a little place run by locals on the seafront, they are nice and they know me, the other place I go for ice cream with my friend in the car is on the viewpoint above the town, there is an ice cream van owned by a local company and they do really good ices, not horrible liquidy stuff, real solid tasty stuff, we sit up there and enjoy the view and eat our ices. And my favourite flavour is rum and raisin. I like solid ice cream, not whipped stuff.

 6. Web Addicted – can you survive without the internet? Or do you feel withdrawal symptoms (I do!). What parts of the internet do you use – web browsing, Facebook, Twitter? What do you tend to look at online?

I am not severely web addicted, I find it a relief not to be online sometimes. I do find the internet very helpful though.In fact the internet is fairly essential for me as I strive to run an efficient business and also prepare for exams and do prep courses for my university degree, things like that. I do a lot of interactive learning online and also communicate with people who are studying languages and interested in the international community. I don't bother with facebook much, I am too autistic for that kind of thing, but twitter is great for human rights activism and news. I also blog, as you know. Life is so full, and the internet is just part of that, I guess I need it for my life but I also like to be doing other things such as music, sport and work.

 7. Egg – do you like eggs? What egg dishes can you cook? Which do you like the most?

Eggs again! I occasionally do fried eggs as part of a healthy fry-up, and boiled eggs for sandwiches, I like eggs but my tummy doesn't, so I don't have many.
 8. Activity – how do you keep fit?

My work is physical, as you know, so that helps, I also bike around, I deliver papers by bike every morning normally (not this week as I am away) I also do swim and gym whenever I can. I can't run as my legs and back and lungs are too shot, but I used to love running and I feel useless now that I can't.
 9. Christianity – what’s most important for you about your faith?

My faith has been so shattered by the events of the last 7 or more years that it is barely there, I don't go to church any more as it distresses me and it seems that the diocese can catch up with me through any church and have me treated like dirt and thrown away. Their attitude while they claim to be Christians and a Christian church is the death blow to my faith, the way they have left me suffering is the last straw.

Wednesday, 10 June 2015

Fourth interview with HG

I think the interviewer has an inkling that I have a cat, I also think I have been asked the languages question in another interview.

1. What’s your favourite name for a cat?
We used to have a cat called Caliban. I don't think you can beat that! 

2. Do you have a cat? What do you feed it?
We have a cat, he can be a monster but his name is not Caliban. He is asleep on my bed, upside down as I write this, he is irresistable like that and I want to tickle his tummy but he would not be amused. He is fed from an auto-feeder which holds up to three weeks feed, he has scientific formula cat food that is supposed to keep him healthy, and he is strong and quick and in good condition for a 14 year old. I have to be careful when he wants to play 'swipe through the bannisters' because he is so quick that I can end up with shredded skin.
3. Do you ever vote?
No. Maybe this year was as close as I got to considering voting, but I didn't need to as our guy got back in anyway.
4. If you voted, would it be Conservative, Labour, Liberal, UKIP, Green, Monster Raving Loony or Other? Why?
I would have to vote conservative because of the huge damage that the current and last government have done and are doing to the voiceless vulnerable in the benefits system.
5. Do you prefer eggs poached, fried, hard-boiled, in an egg cup, scrambled? What would you eat them with?
I don't often eat eggs due to having a slight reaction to them, not full blown allergy but discomfort. I do like a fried egg as part of a healthy fry up at the weekend, eggs with rindless back bacon, fried in fry-lite and with some slices of small wholemeal loaf and Bertolli. Yummy. I occasionally boil eggs for sandwiches but I see no point in scrambled eggs as they seem tasteless to me.
6. Do you ever have soft boiled eggs, and do you make bread “soldiers” to go with them?

No, I am not a toast and soldiers person, partly because I grew up without that kind of thing and no-one ever introduced it to me until Jersey when the churchwarden kept trying to show me how to knock the top off a soft boiled egg, but being dyspraxic, I can't really do it, and it is so much trouble. 
7. Do you ever eat prunes? Have you ever eaten prunes?

Yes, prunes are nice, I have had them sometimes when I was a child when prunes were on offer, my dad would buy them. They taste OK and they have their uses, but I don't tend to buy them. Actually I don't tend to buy tins at all, because I really dislike the metal that they are made of and opening tins sets my teeth on edge.
8. If you have, did you put the stones around the plate, counting them, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier Sailor etc....?

No, not with prunes, we used to do that with plum stones when I was a child, I think.
9. What’s your favourite out door temperature (in centigrade please!)? What’s too hot? And too cold?

Interesting question, this morning I was chatting to my autistic friend, we are on a similar spectrum but he is a genius and he asked if I counted temperature in Centigrade or Farenheit, but my reply was that I can't count in either, I have a learning difficulty called dyscalculalia, which means I have very little ability to measure anything. I think when I read temperatures on a chart, when it says -3 that means cold, 10 or 15 means mild, and 25 or 30 means hot.

10. What’s your favourite soup? Do you make your own?

I like lentil soup, or chicken soup, I don't like tinned soup, I am OK with some packet soup but sometimes I have allergic reaction if there is powdered milk in it. I don't often make soup due to my life being about running around like a headless chicken.
I have occasionally made chicken soup, but to be honest, not very often. I can't stay home and watch it, I am more likely to make stew anywhere.
11. What foreign languages can you speak? How well can you speak them?

I think someone asked me this before. I was brought up speaking Hebrew as well as English but it has been so long that I only remember some of it, and it always amuses me when people in churches mispronounce it dismally when doing readings. I speak some French, and French will be part of my degree course. I studied French at Evening class in Jersey. I know a few words of Portugese and some Italian, I had a working holiday in Italy and also did a certificate course. I did an Irish Certificate as well.  I am not really a linguist yet, but I fully intend to improve my languages, and I have penpals in various countries, it is so interesting to learn about language and culture, and I am looking forward to University.

A post by a Jersey blogger -The parable of the knife

This caught my attention so I asked if I could reblog it, it is a Jersey blogger's post about social media and how survivors can be affected. Thank you to Tony the Prof who blogs about issues in Jersey and the wider world: 


Parable of the Knife

Do you remember Doris Luke (played by Kathy Staff) in Crossroads? A do-gooder whose interventions invariable caused more problems for those they were trying to help.

Bloggers can sometimes do harm, even when they intend to do good. This short piece tries to communicate what that can feel like if you are vulnerable, sensitive and have bad memories brought back by those who think they are doing you a good turn. It's not about me. It's about someone I know who has trouble persuading "do-gooders" that their interventions can do more harm than good.

I hope it conveys something of how this makes those "helped" feel, and how disruptive it is to getting their life back together again.

Parable of the Knife

He was an old man now, but he could still remember the events. The cell. The strangeness of the court. Many people speaking to him. His head hurt. And then, he’d agreed something, and it made them happy, and it was all over.

For them, not for him. Suddenly he was on a plane, landing, left, nowhere to go.

“Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.”

He was homeless, sleeping rough for many years. The cold and hunger remained in his memory, pain etched deep. But it was also liberating: no people speaking, telling him what to do, not understanding, and with their own ideas of what was in his best interests.

It was in the past now, and he was rebuilding his life, far from the troubles of the past, but flashbacks still haunted his days from time to time, made worse by those who still thought they could speak for him.

The world had become global, and blogs from those who had decided to support him came, and came, each time, a turn of the knife, each time a dagger of the mind, bringing back that past.

Wasn’t that patronising? How dare they think they knew him better than he did? And why wouldn’t they leave him alone?

He told them to stop, but they would not listen. He begged them to stop, but they would not listen. He emailed, and ranted at them – stop, stop, stop – but they would not listen. That cut deep.

Sometimes those who take your side can do more harm than your enemies.

And so he wrote this down, wrote how he felt, how miserable this made him, the pain, the memory. Memory never goes away. Traumatic memories may be held back, but they are always there, waiting to be released. Sometimes it can be a scent, a sound, and sometimes – a blog.

"Think before you blog" would be a good maxim, especially when dealing with vulnerable people. Have some fellow feeling for the harm that well-intentioned support can do. That’s all he wanted to say, all he wanted them to hear. You are damaging me.

But they would not listen. And in the end, he put his head in his hands, in despair, and wept.

And still they blogged on his behalf. And twisted the knife deeper.

Sunday, 7 June 2015

Third interview with HG

Yes, we are starting to chat a bit about Jersey in this one.

 Do you like ironing?

No! Anyone who regularly reads my daily blog knows I am obsessive about housework, but ironing is a job I avoid. And most of my clothes are simple non-iron, while my bedding is soft Jersey non-iron, like the bedding I had when I lived in Jersey! :) I love soft clothes and linens and I do very little ironing. I am happy with cleaning ovens and toilets, but I hate ironing. However, I can iron. 
Favourite activity in Jersey? What was it, who did you do it with?

Spoilt for choice with this question!  I had many  favourites, I had a great time on the tall ships, loved all the sailing, enjoyed karate and football, rock climbing, photography, basically the favourites are endless. But I can't really say on here who I did these activities with, as I do not want to cause any problems.

 How did you get about to places in Jersey?

Mainly I drove, I did do a bit of walking, running and even cycling, but not enough. In my last days in Jersey I had no car and was walking, or rather hobbling, because unnoticed, various issues with my walking had worsened and I didn't know what they were or why. Do you like old fashioned hymns? What is your favourite old fashioned hymn?

I used to enjoy some of the old fashioned hymns a lot, and would often listen to them or sing them, but due to the trauma I associate with Church, I don't really find them easy to listen to any more. I like 'Thine Be the Glory' and 'Amazing Grace' and a few others. I rarely hear or think about hymns any more, because I associate church so much with hurt and flashbacks. Do you like modern hymns? What is your favourite modern hymn?

I like some modern hymns, like most people, I have hymns I like and dislike, and again, I have the same issue of trauma that hymns can trigger, I like 'All to Jesus I surrender' and 'Shine Jesus Shine' and a number of others. Have you every seen people fainting at a church service as part of the service? Yes, I remember it being set up as a kind of show, the people laying on hands manipulate people to fall over, it still scares the hell out of me to recall the amount and depth of manipulation and some of the damage it does to vulnerable people. I suffered other kinds of deep psychological damage in such services and 'healing sessions' and know others who have been put at risk this way. I even had someone making a series of direct complaints to me about being harmed by such things in a church in Jersey, because the horrendous handling of my case meant s/he didn't dare to complain to the Dean or Diocese!!!

Which Jersey Churches did you visit (ie. see)?

Now the questions get harder, I try to remember and my mind goes terrified and blank. I will start by saying I always intended to visit St. Saviours Parish church for the historical side of things, but never got around to it. I did manage to visit the chapel at Hogue Bie a few times when I went to be enthusiastic about the archeology side of things there, awesome!  And the story about the sunlight at sunrise? Am I remembering right?

I think I visited most of the parish churches and also some of the Methodist churches, the big Methodist church in St. Helier is quite impressive, and of course the glass church, and although I often heard tourists muttering dissapointedly about the glass church, I did like the glass angels and how light the church was.
I can't remember the name of the closed church that sometimes had concerts but it always seemed such a shame it was closed, I remember the concerts there, maybe I will talk about that another time though.
The Town Church, of course, but I didn't find it very inspiring and the atmosphere itself there is not good, without even anyone being there.
And I seem to recall concerts at a little Methodist chapel in St. Aubin, and then of course the Fisherman's chapel, I think I went there even before I lived in Jersey, so peaceful there, a good place to light candles and pray.

So I got a good and interesting look at churches in Jersey, but always regrettably never managed to stop at St. Saviours Church, even when I went to the Parish Hall, I think it was a question of nowhere to park and I was always in a hurry.

 Which Jersey Churches did you attend (not the same question)?

You are so mean, I don't remember a thing, next question please! 

Churches I attended, it may sound like a lot, but I found churches in Jersey very hard, especially when I was being slandered and shunned, but not just that, they are not like mainland churches and some of the leanings frightened me, so I didn't settle comfortably in a church, especially not when I was being insulted, shunned or attacked for reporting abuse.

I attended St. Andrews church, that was a core church that I attended, and they did joint services with St. matthews sometimes, but didn't do their own evening service, so I would go to the evening service at St. Matthews, great music!, and in the beginning when I lived near St. Lawrence church and was working on Sundays, I would go to early morning communion at St. Lawrence before work, it was so peaceful there.
I also sometimes went to early communion at St Ouens church on the way to work, and later attended a few other services there.
I recall attending a 'longest night service just before Christmas and that was at one of the Churches in the East of the Island and I went to evening  college with the Vicar's wife, that fact is not widely advertised by the church, because of course the Vicar's wife there cannot claim I was mad and bad and trashed the classroom. Haha, I am digressing.
Of course, in the early days, the churchwarden and his wife used to drag me to spend the evening with their little circle of friends at the Town Church, I found it all very boring and it was extremely extremely cliquey there, snooty is a harsh word but not out of place. Anyway, I mustn't get negative.
I attended St. Clements church for a while.
I also briefly attended St. Brelades church.
And was also kindly invited to attend an evangelical church, and I did visit them, another invitation was to a Methodist chapel, very kind, and also a Baptist church, who treated me terribly when they heard from the church of england.
I was also kindly invited to, and helped by, the Catholics in Jersey, who not only helped to strengthen my failing faith, but inspired me to later renounce the Church of England and become a Catholic.

I don't really want to remember any more, the way I was slandered round the churches in Jersey is inexcusible, it is a whole Island of churches completely forgetting Jesus' teachings and example, and to actually repeat that slander back to me and attack me in public, there are some very shameless and soulless people in Jersey (and the Diocese of Winchester).

Thursday, 4 June 2015

A second interview with HG...

Again, this will disappoint people who want gory details.
But it is interesting how many people have read the interviews,
and ANYONE is welcome to submit a series of questions,
and judging by the interest, I am surprised that I am not getting serious church and Jersey questions so much yet.

Interview Questions in bold.

1. What is your favourite desert /pudding?

I am not much of a dessert person and I don't often do dessert, sometimes I do merangue with fruit and yogurt after my Sunday dinner, and when I go to the outreach meal, the do nice stodgy puddings, and occassionally I get small trifles or cheesecakes from the shop, but I shouldn't as I need to watch my weight.
2. What is your favourite Disney film?

I am not a disney fan, I do not like the way they make young people feel that they have to see the films or be the odd one out, I do not like the dangerously over-emotional stories and scenes as I think these are bad for young children. Sorry, I cannot name a Disney film that I really like.
3. The Two Cultures: do you prefer science or art / literature?

Science! Although art and literature are very interesting. I love science and I am looking forward to studying Environmental Science in the autumn.
4. Are you an Early Bird or a Night Owl person?

I am an early bird, I have never been good at staying up late deliberately, only insomnia caused by trauma would keep me up late.  I like being up early.
5. Do you like Classical music? Favourite composer?

Yes, I find classical music very soothing, my Mum always listened to Classic FM and my Brother also liked classical music. 
I am really not sure who my favourite composer is, as with other genres of music, I like whatever sound I like, and it can be by any composer.
6. Hair: if you could choose to be a blonde, brunette, black hair or redhead, which would you be? Have you ever changed hair colour (with dye?)

I am happy with my hair, I wouldn't change it. I used to be close to a girl who usually had her hair black and green, and I tried her black dye but I was allergic to it. Never again! :)
7. Do you prefer to read magazines or books?

Usually books, I am a book person, but sometimes magazines are good for light reading. My old housemate used to give me her magazines and sometimes it was nice to read but Women's magazines make me kind of wonder if people are really that shallow, so to speak, I hope that doesn't sound uppity.
8. Do you paint?

No, I am dyspraxic and I am a messy pup, having paint in the house would be a disaster, I have already spilled and dropped a lot of things today.
9. Is there any food you really dislike?

I am not keen on sweetcorn and I don't like sweet foods in the morning.
ah, beetroot, yeah, I hate that! 
10.  Early memories: first pop song you heard and really liked

Well my siblings liked Abba, and Abba was one of the few Pop groups my Dad didn't ban, and I liked some of the songs although I didn't understand them. I gather that because of my parents superstitions and Jewish culture, they liked the fact that the band was called Abba, which means Father in Hebrew. 
One particular song is 'Another Town Another Train' as it reminds me of slightly better times although paradoxically it reminds me of my sister being suicidal and trying to jump in front of trains and coming home and telling me.

Thank you for interviewing me.

Tuesday, 2 June 2015

The first interview with HG...

Just to annoy the pants off a few people, this interview didn't mention the church or Jersey...
Interviewers are still being invited, if anyone would like to send questions in.

Interview questions in Bold:

1. What is your favourite meal? Do you have happy memories of it?

This is a tough question. I have a number of meals I enjoy, and being a creature of habit, I tend to eat them regularly. I guess a good roast dinner is my favourite meal, and when my Mum was well enough she would cook a good roast when I was a child, so I guess that is a happy memory. I can cook a decent roast now, I am proud to say, so I tend to do a roast on Sunday if I have time, and if not, I do a quick chicken Korma, which I also enjoy.  When I was young we often had apple pie and custard after a roast, but I am always too full, so I tend to do a 'Healthy Eton' which is merangue with fresh fruit and fat free yogurt. 

2. What is your favourite book?

Argh! I do have a tough interviewer! I think I will randomly choose 'Insomnia' by Stephen King. I first read this when I was on the Streets, at a daycentre and it gave me a taste for Stephen King books, I am also very fond of another of his books'Duma Key' . I am not really a fan of horror but what I like about King is that he makes his characters and landscapes very real and imaginable, he has a talent with that, and the horror is generally not nightmare stuff anyway.

Other books and Authors I like include Shane Dunphy, who I often mention on my blog, and Cathy Glass and Casey Watson's books.

3. What is your favourite fruit?

Another tough question! At the moment I have a fruit bowl of clementines, bananas and apples, I am not keen on apples or bananas but I eat them regularly for energy and health, I do like clementines but I guess grapes are my favourites, I have tubs of frozen grapes in the freezer to keep me from craving sweet things, frozen grapes are a great treat and completely fat free, and can be added to cold drinks or ice cream.

4. Do you like marmite? (The killer question)

Argh! Err...No, my sister's boyfriend used to make me eat marmite because of the vitamin content but I am not a marmite fan, however I don't hate it, I just think it tastes like earwax probably does.

5. What are your earliest memories of friends?

Unfortunately I don't have many good early memories of friends, my family were very closed and we weren't normally allowed to play with other children and we didn't go to school, so there are few early memories of friends, and I remained isolated for the first 17 years of my life, and by the time I left my family I didn't know how to relate to people, so I have remained isolated.

During my early years, my family were friends with another unusal family and everyone in my family said that a girl my age from that family was my friend, but she was neurotypical and I was autistic and she wasn't very nice to me.
I did briefly have a pretend friend, copied from a book, but I saw little point of this and my siblings were quite nasty about it when they found out. So, sorry, no good memories.

6. What was the first book you read?

Good question, I am not sure. I remember we had Enid Blyton's 'Noddy'Books and they were among the first books but I cannot remember any more than that.

7. If you could be a character in Harry Potter, who would it be?

I am not keen on Harry Potter, it is like a click-Story that everyone needs to have seen and know about, and I have seen bits of it but am not very interested in it. I will be the Pheonix, if that's OK?

8. What countries have you visited in your lifetime?

eee, now you are being nosey! I will be visiting another country in a few weeks, no further comment! But I love islands that deport me for free! :)

9. What languages can you speak?

gibberish, some sign language, some Hebrew, French, Italian, Irish and a few words of German. I also speak nortylanguage, which is a bit like German and a bit like insanity. I have done Irish and Italian courses and as well as enjoying travelling, I enjoy online chatting and also pen palling with people in different countries, and languages are part of the degree course I will hopefully be starting this autumn.

10. Are you a dog person or a cat person (or both or neither)?

I am both, we have a cat and I love him very much, apart from when he bites, scratches or wakes me up during the night, all of which he does frequently. He is mad but very lovely, and I often write about him on my daily blog.  My friend has Collies and I love them too.

11. How tall are you? Would you like to be shorter, taller or are you just right?

I am 5'7 and that is just right. 

12. Do you like your hair long or short? Why?

My hair is short, and this is because it won't grow long smoothly, if I let it grow, it becomes very thick and messy, and also because my work can make my hair dirty, I keep it short.

13. Apple, Dinosaur, Saturn, Typewriter – which do you think could be the wrong one out? (Give up if stressed!) 

These are all the odd ones out from other things. But I will go for the non-word-processing one.

14.  If there was a fancy dress ball, who would you go as?

I would go as a hedgehog, complete with fleas, to keep away unwanted attention.

Thank you for interviewing me.

Tuesday, 19 May 2015

Bob Hill puts his teeth back in and speaks up

He's still missing out a few facts but never mind.

Reblogging Bob's blog, seeing as he is shooting his mouth off about my case!

Tuesday, 19 May 2015

Jersey's Dean--All Quiet on the Winchester Front.

Jersey has just celebrated the 70th anniversary of its Liberation from 5 years of Nazi Occupation. In many of the sermons espoused by our Island’s clergy at Services held celebrate the anniversary was the need for reconciliation. 

Unfortunately for some clergy it is easier to talk about the matter than practice it. The same can be said for honesty where not for the first time the Church of England has provided ample evidence of its “Do as I say and not as I do” approach to life.

As an example of its double standards I cite the Jersey Deans infamous handling of a complaint made by a vulnerable person whereby the promised outcome is still awaited.

Although the complaint was made 7 years ago the matter only came to light 2 years ago following a review by Jan Korris. This resulted in the Dean being suspended by Bishop Dakin who soon fell foul of the Dean’s supporters who claimed that because of the ancient practice of the Dean, on appointment, receiving Letters Patent from the Crown, the Bishop was acting outside his remit.

Although the matter is now two years old those appointed to address the matter have either acted as though it never occurred or have arrogantly abdicated their responsibility.

The Dean was hastily reinstated following his "apology" for “any” mistakes he “may” have made and promised to co-operate with any review that might ensue.

Two reviews were undertaken and their outcomes should have been made known at least 12 months ago. 

Two weeks ago in an attempt to seek an update I emailed Tim Dakin, the Bishop of Winchester with a request that the four issues below be addressed. Sadly, but not surprisingly I have not received a reply

This is a copy of the email dated May 4th.

Dear Bishop Tim, 
It is now 2 years since you suspended and reinstated the Dean. It is also 2 years since you appointed Bishop Gladwin and Dame Heather Steel to review the Constitutional situation and the Dean’s handling of a complaint. To date no reports have been published.

It has been reported that a further review is to be undertaken in respect of the Constitutional issues. If that is the case please could you inform me what steps you are taking to publish Bishop Gladwin’s findings or are they to be incorporated into the new review?

Regarding Dame Heather's Report, you must be aware that there are a number of valid reasons why Dame Heather’s Report can never be published. Apart from the legal issues and Dame Heather’s flawed investigation, there is also the issue of the undertakings referred to in your letter to the former Bailiff last May and those submitted to Winchester Court last June.

My justification for claiming that Dame Heather’s investigation was flawed is because of her failure to interview the main witness, namely the complainant or review her arrest and deportation as recommended by Ms Korris in her Report. Concerns about Dame Heather’s conflict and unsuitability can be confirmed in the transcript of her 3 hour meeting with me in October 2013.

You will recall that before my meeting with Dame Heather it had been agreed that I would receive a copy of the transcript. After the meeting I was again promised a copy but despite numerous requests to you and Dame Heather the transcript has not been provided.

The Dean’s handling of the complaint has caused great distress to a number of people including the complainant, your self, the Dean and a large number of ordinary church goers who have seen their money wasted on flawed reviews and the ending of our 500 year association with Winchester.

The matter has dragged on and I believe it is incumbent on you as the instigator of the suspension, the Visitation, broken promises, distress, and the break from Winchester to come clean with the people you represent and make it known what you propose to do with the finding of the Gladwin Review and the Steel Report.

I know that sometimes it is difficult to accept that we are capable of making mistakes but the appointment of Dame Heather was a mistake as evidenced by the way she conducted her investigation and if her report was published it would cause even further distress. Therefore it should be shredded.

In summary I would be grateful if you would;

1 Update me on what you propose to do with the Gladwin findings. 
2 Confirm that you will not be publishing the Steel Report. 
3 Provide me with the copy of transcript of my meeting with Dame Heather. 
4 Advise me how much the Visitation has cost to date.

I would be grateful if you would acknowledge receipt of this email and assure me that my requests above will be addressed within the next two weeks. 

It is disappointing that the Bishop has ignored a simple request.  

It is not surprising that Bishop Gladwin has found the constitutional issues to be complex and that is probably why another review is to be undertaken, so why the silence?

The appointment of Dame Heather Steel was a mistake and for reasons above her Report should be shredded. I should also be given the promised transcript. So why continue to withhold it?

It has been reported that no disciplinary action is being taken against the Dean, however no reasons have been given nor whether the Dean has been exonerated.  

It could be said that as the Bishop had no powers to suspend the Dean then he has no power to discipline him. Leaving the matter open to speculation is unsatisfactory.

What is also unsatisfactory is that Bishop Dakin has claimed there are serious Safeguarding concerns in Jersey. Given my recent involvement with another safeguarding matter, I have no problem in endorsing Bishop Tim’s concerns. However what are those concerns and who is addressing them?

Given the time taken and of the personal involved the cost of conducting the reviews/investigations are likely to be in excess of the original estimate. The costs are not being met from the Bishop's pocket so why are they being withheld?

When I met a senior member of the clergy two years ago he described the Jersey situation as a mess. Two years on it can be said that not only does confusion reign supreme but the mess is now a much bigger and more expensive.

The issue will not go away and the longer there is a denial of the truth the more harm will be inflicted on the Church of England. It does little for its integrity when its Ministers espouse the virtues of reconciliation yet the Dean of Jersey and Bishop of Winchester cannot bury their differences. It also does little to inspire confidence when it cannot honour promised made.

Sadly I doubt whether anyone at Canterbury really cares, because if they did they would not permit the matter to fester.